Okay, this entry got a little out of hand length wise. I cut a bunch out, but I'm leaving a decent amount in. I can't tell you how thrilled I was to find someone who actually laughed at a joke I made. I probably should have proposed.
The other night my siblings, their respective others, Stacy(Without an e) and I went out for my birthday. I chose P.F. Chang's because I love the Mu Shu Chicken. I don't speak Chinese, but I feel quite confident in my assertion that Mu Shu is Chinese for "Burrito". The fun part is that they come out and make the burrito in front of you.
My brother Josh made sure to let our waitress Bailey know that we were going to be that table as soon as she came and introduced herself.
"We're all celebrating" he told her, "We lost our jobs today"
"Well, as long as you can still tip" she joked back.
"Tip?" I asked as if the word was new to me.
"Whoever runs the slowest gets to pay" Miranda's boyfriend Andrew added.
Bailey was freakishly cute, so I immediately hid under the table to avoid any accidental eye contact. The rest of my family kept up with the "funny", but she handled it well.
"Wow, you're a pro at this" my brother complimented as she wrapped my Mu Shu in to a nice little pocket.
"Don't call me that. I don't want to be a professional waitress" she said with a smile.
"Okay fine" I said, rolling my eyes and holding up my hands to make air quotes, "Actress"
Since she had other tables waiting I offered to help, "Want me to take care of those? I can't do the fancy fold, but I can roll them in to tacos"
"If you rolled it in to a taco it'd be a burrito" she shot back without missing a beat.
"Yeah, stupid" my ever-supportive sister chimed in.
By the time dessert came around Bailey had been putting up with our crap for quite some time, so I offered to let her have my complimentary birthday dessert. She declined so I asked her to surprise me with something and got up to use the restroom.
When I returned, the not-professional waitress was standing over my seat and lighting a green candle in a thing of cheesecake. She didn't see me come back so I pulled up a chair from a neighboring table and sat down beside her.
"Oh, it's got green stuff all around the bottom now" she said, referring to the wax that had been melting.
She still wasn't aware of my presence when I responded, "Don't worry, I've got some pills that will fix that up."
"Oh. You're a quick one" Bailey laughed.
After she left I asked my sister, "Do you think I should tell her to hold on to the candle? You know, for her scrapbook. For when she tells the story of how we met to our kids."
She returned a few minutes later and asked, "Do you want that last Mu Shu boxed up to go?"
I don't normally take leftovers because I have a tendency to just let them stink up my fridge for a week before finally relenting and throwing them out. She didn't give me a chance to answer though.
I don't normally take leftovers because I have a tendency to just let them stink up my fridge for a week before finally relenting and throwing them out. She didn't give me a chance to answer though.
"I worked hard folding those things up. It's going home in a bag with you, or in your belly."
"You know what. I think I will take that home after all. It is a lovely Mu Shu."
I felt pretty bad about the amount of crap we had put the girl through, so after everyone left I slipped another twenty on to the table and headed for the parking lot. By that time the Chang's was empty, and there were just employees left.
One of the cars in the parking lot was empty but had its headlights on, so I walked back in to let someone know. The hostess was long gone, and the front deserted, so I walked back towards our table to find Bailey clearing it off.
"You forgot something" she said before I had a chance to speak. My heart? How did you.. She held up the doggie bag of Mu Shu.
Oh yeah. In my attempt to be decent and leave an extra tip I'd completely spaced on the leftovers."Thanks. Someone left their car lights on by the way. I would assume it's an employee here since the place is empty."
"Oh, I'll let them know. You didn't have to leave the extra tip. Thank you though"
"Well, you didn't have to put up with our shit. Thank you."
"Happy Birthday"
I told my sister the postscript to the story over the phone while driving home.
"You know," she explained, "if you had grown a set and asked her for her number, worst case, you'd be driving home alone right now."
