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Showing posts from January, 2009

Nerd Games: The Free Flowers (Year 2)

Given that it's now almost February, the chances of me having a Valentine reside statistically in the "Not Probable" range.  I believe I've given or sent flowers for at least 7 or 8 years running now, and it seems a shame to let the streak end.

Given that, and my motto that every girl deserves flowers on Valentine's, I've decided to open up the free flowers competition again.  The rules are the same as last year.  
1. Nominate someone to get flowers. Write a reason/explanation, or don't.  I don't care. A good reason helps your chances though.

2. I'll pick a winner and pay for and send flowers. I'll also write a very crappy poem which you can help with if you'd like.

3. Contest ends on the 9th.*I reserve the right to half ass it like I did last year if I get a slight case of death again.

Here are some sample entries that I just made up to get you started:
I think you should send flowers to my wife, because her husband is a jerk.

A dozen roses to R…

Par for the Course: Part 2

Last Thursday I found myself in need of a quick lunch. The other nerds let me know that they were going to "Blue Fin", a semi-well known downtown Japanese Restaurant. My problem with Blue Fin is that it has the worst chicken I've eaten in my life. On the up side, there are no stray cats in the area.

Given my dislike of the BF, I grabbed the iPod and headed off to ZPizza. It was, after all, Italian pizza day, and I love the Italian pizza(Without tomatoes).

As I stepped in I noticed the cute girl was behind the counter, which usually causes me to over think the next few moments, and how they will play out. Before I had time to think of something witty stupid to say she jumped a bit, threw her arm behind her head and did a slight ants-in-the-pants kind of dance. Or maybe it was a jig. I'm not sure.

At 31 years of age, there's not a lot that surprises me, but this definitely did. Combined with my complete fear of women I stood for a moment, perplexed.

"Uhm..…

Nerd Word(s): E-Flirting UPDATE!

A while back I wrote a Nerd Word(s) entry for "E-Flirting" and used some pretty piss poor examples.  I mean really, one of you should have punched me in the gut and let me know that that sort of D- effort wasn't okay. A real friend would have.

Today I have a better example.  Click for the full image:

The Double No-No

Meeting girls is a bit tough for me. I approach women with the eloquence and articulation of (soon-to-be-ex) President Bush giving a speech on nuclear power. Sure, I get the basic idea across, but in the end I just end up looking like an idiot.

One of my (many) issues in the dating scene is that I approach all new relationships as a potential friend. Despite evidence to the contrary in this blog, it takes me a while to actually form a real desire for someone, and I tend to keep it on the level longer than the average guy.

This can be quite off putting for the women of my age who have spent the past decade and a half fighting off drunken party boys like Aragorn to Orcs at the Battle of Helm's deep.

With that in mind I put up a profile on a "Social Networking" website. I'm somewhat wittier when taken in digital form, and it's more or less impossible to take an online relationship at the wrong pace.

About a month ago I exchanged a few emails online with a girl named…

Nerd Word(s): The No-No

The No-No
- noun

1. A denial or shutdown

[ Origin: While I'm sure the saying is common in sports vernacular, it was brought to my lexicon by Erik]

- usage
1. "Manu Ginobili went up for the shot, but Amare gave him the no-no and knocked it 6 rows in to the crowd."
2. "I finally beat Bowser on world 4-4, but instead of the princess, all I got was the no-no"
- disambiguation Not to be confused with the no-no naughty-spot.

Postpartum: Part 1

So, I decided to try something a little different.  
"I have one of your old stories from high school" my good friend Laura said to me a few months back.  
My what?
"It's something called the Gumshoe Detective.  It's funny"
Oh, that.
I had all but forgotten.  I had written a few comical type short stories in school and given them to my friends.  I couldn't bring myself to read it now.  I can't imagine what 15 year old Jesse thought was amusing.  In retrospect, it was probably more mature and well written than what 31 year old Jesse writes.
Three years ago I wrote a long and drawn out email to a friend about my mom introducing me to a girl who turned out to be a lesbian.  I thought the story was sort of amusing so I posted it where some friends could read, and then to my myspace account.
At the time I was badgering two of my best friends(Rose and Adam) to each start a blog.  I find them both extremely amusing, and writing just wasn't my thing.  When the…