Rant of the day: Fast Franks

I'm going to veer off topic for a moment and do the typical blog thing and rant for a minute. I went shopping for groceries today. It's no secret that I don't cook, and as such my basket is normally filled with such healthy items as frozen pizzas, ham, bread, and cheese.

Whenever I eat at home, I do so for convenience, although the monetary savings are a delightful side bonus. The only meal that I cook due to a particular desire for said meal is an old recipe handed down through the ages by my people. When I say "my people" I of course mean rednecks from Arkansas, and when I say "old recipe" I mean Kraft Macaroni and Cheese with cut up hot dogs. Occasionally, if I'm feeling a bit frisky, I'll vary the recipe and go with Spiral Macaroni instead of the traditional sort, but that's about as creative as I get in the kitchen. I'm pretty sure that Macaroni comes from the Italian word meaning quite literally "Fruit of the Gods", but that's all neither here nor there.

Back to the point. I'm sure there's one around here somewhere... ah yes, I eat at home for convenience. As lazy as I am with my lunchables, and frozen pizzas, even I'm not this lazy:



Do you see what they've done for you here? They've gone ahead and pre-assembled the hot dog for you. Just in case you've forgotten the recipe I've decided to write it down for you here:

Ingredients:
1 Wiener
1 Bun

Directions:
1. Heat Wiener
2. Insert Wiener into bun

Essentially, what they've done is save you up to 3 seconds of your time by going ahead and taking care of #2 for you.

From the press release:

By leveraging proprietary dough technology, Oscar Mayer Fast Franks have made hot dogs easier to enjoy than ever before.

Are you kidding me? "Proprietary dough technology"? Really? Really!? Come on Oscar, don't piss down my shorts and tell me it's raining.

More wonderful insight from an article titled: Oscar Mayer Unveils Innovative New Product.

Thirty-five seconds is all it takes now to prepare a hot dog.

How long were people taking before? Was this in response to a flood of letters from concerned parents that read:

Dear Oscar Meyer,

I love your delicious hot dogs, but I just wish they didn't
take so long to prepare. Is there anything you can do for
me?

Signed,
Wiener Lover in Wisconsin.

At any rate, I picked up 3 packages of them. I'll do a review later to tell you how they taste.

Be honest, how many of you laughed at the directions above due to the cheesy sexual double entendre?