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Showing posts from October, 2006

Una Vez

24 Posts under my belt and I've somehow managed to not write about Erik, or one of his stories. This is a bit mind boggling considering the number of situations that he manages to get himself into.

Since some readers don't know Erik, I figure a proper introduction is in order. We met in 8th grade, but didn't really become friends until junior year in High School. He actually dated a girl I had a crush on, so I didn't have a lot of love for him at first, but we ended up in a programming class together, and the rest is history I guess. We bonded over BASIC programming, love of classic Nintendo, and our mutual failings with members of the opposite sex. The difference with Erik and I is that the ladies love him and he still can't score, but that's a story for another time. Erik's one of the funniest guys I know, but he's even dryer in his delivery than I am, and I think that's often times lost on people. He's a bit quirky too, and I think people don&…

Top 5: Things that rock about the upcoming month

Unfortunately it's been a somewhat slow week for me. With a boring week comes a boring blog entry. Sure I had a night where I hit on a lesbian, hung out with a Cardinals cheerleader, and saw two people making out who really had no business making out, but that night sort of had that "Been there done that" kind of feel, so I think it's time to mix it up a little.

This is the first and most likely last entry in a series we'll call "Top 5". Today's topic, the upcoming month, and why it rocks.

1. Thanksgiving -
I don't like turkey. I don't like cranberry sauce. In fact, 9 out of 10 traditional Thanksgiving day foods I'm not a huge fan of. The exception of course being stuffing. I'm sure someone will correct me here if I'm wrong, but I believe that Stuffing comes from the Navajo word Stuffay meaning quite literally "Fruit of the gods".

So what is it (aside from the stuffing) that rocks about Turkey day? It's a few things:

Fir…

Nerd Word(s): Keep Faith Alive

Keep Faith Alive
- statement

1. A sarcastic statement to someone who's feeling down on themselves.

2. Goodbye

3. A serious statement for someone who's had an unfortunate occurrence

[Origin: A saying I've used for a very long time, that got even more use once digital communication(IM, Email) became the norm. Originally stolen from Will Smith on Fresh Prince of Bel Air]

- synonyms
1. Keep Faith Alive... you are somebody, You are somebody

- usage
1. "I'm never going to find a girl, I'm such a loser"
"Keep faith alive, you are somebody"

2. "Later dude"
"Keep faith alive"

3. "Wow, your dog got hit by a car? That really sucks. Keep faith alive though"

Introducing the cast of Sesquipedalis

I've gone ahead and updated this old post to add some more people that had been left out. I've found it quite interesting that many people who are prominent figures in my life don't get blogged about. I guess that no drama = no entry, and while that may seem odd, the best days usually don't make for a good story.

My blogging mentor Mandi left a comment about my naming conventions and that reminded me that I probably need to explain who everyone in my stories is. For the longest time I've had a habit of giving people nicknames, and if there's one thing I can do, it's make a nickname that sticks. So without further ado, lets talk about who we've been talking about...

Miranda - Alias: Mory, Murray
My younger sister. If you've never met Mory, just imagine me with blond hair and boobs and you get the idea. While I got the smarts in the family, she got looks and social ability. She's the "fun" one in the family.

Josh - Alias: Joshua
My older brot…

Jesse climbs high...

This Saturday I went hiking with Geremy and a girl I had never met(I don't think) named Amy. With an Adam, an Ana, an Anna, two Angela's, and an Angela clone in my life the blogger's commission has informed me that my quota of A names is used up and therefore, for the duration of this blog Amy will be known as Harold.

Harold's a cute girl, all dressed up in pink, with those big sun glasses that make a girl look slightly like a fly that are so popular right now. Flys freak me out, so I'm not so in to the style, but I also wear a white T-shirt and jeans 6 days a week, so I don't expect to see Jesse's Views on Fashion on E! any time soon.

So Todd, Harold and I met at Squaw Peak and spent a good two hours hiking, resting, and joking around. I was surprisingly not too much of a spaz for having just met a cute girl. I have a few theories as to why this might be:

1a) The big sunglasses. The big sunglasses theory is centered around eye contact. With big sunglasses I c…

...and then hits a new low

When I got home from hiking I intended to immediately call my mother. As she's still recovering from her aneurysm we tend to make plans to hang out. For the past week she's been really excited about the new Robin Williams movie. She told me earlier this week that she wanted us to go see it on Friday afternoon.

For the past 6 years I've had a 9 to 5, Monday to Friday job. For some odd reason nobody seems to remember that though. I explained to my mom that Friday night or Saturday might work better. We ended up agreeing on Saturday.

So as I go to call mom I see that I have a missed call and a message. It turns out she's going out with my dad instead. After weeks of hearing, "Your father is driving me nuts", this guy steals my Saturday afternoon date.

I'm not even going to begin to comment on the thought process behind taking a woman who is currently going through physical therapy to increase her balance on a day long motorcycle ride through the country.

And now…

Nerd Word(s): How embarassing for you

How Embarassing for you
- statement

1. An overdramatic reaction to something that is in fact, not embarassing. The less embarassing the better.

[Origin: Me, Rose's 25th birthday party. While rolling to see which team would go first in a competitive game of video trivial pursuit, Anthony's 5 was shamed by Rose's 6. I loudly exclaimed, "Oh my god, how embarassing for you" and Anthony cried in the corner]

- syonyms
1. How embarassing for me

- usage
See Origin

Why are the elevators so slow around here?

Just a short one, but another great elevator moment brought to you by yours truly.

This morning while waiting for my car, a girl came down and was waiting for hers also. I believe her name was Kate, but don't hold me to that. As we waited, we chatted a little, and I guess I was too tired to say anything really stupid, or maybe I was just too tired to remember the dumb things I said. At any rate she told me that she was going to pick her friend up from the airport and then was off to work.

It just so happened that the exact same girl was coming home at the same time as I was, and we shared an elevator ride up.
"He's stalking me" she pointed out to her friend, "Just Kidding"
"No, I am... I'm really into you" I joked. "What floor you going to?" I asked as she had her hands full and I really like pressing the buttons.
"17"
"Wow, I'm impressed"(17 is the top floor)
"Oh, you're only on 11? I'm not sure I…

Nerd Word(s): I think I'm in Love

I think I'm in Love
- statement

1. A statement of minor attraction to a member of the opposite sex due to some trivial fact or occurence. The more trivial the better. Often said with a clutching of the chest near the heart.

[Origin: Erik, maybe]

- synonyms
1. I love you, Pienso que soy en amor, Te quiero mucho... baby.

- usage
"She likes Nintendo? I think I'm in love"
"She drives a Honda? I think I'm in love"
"She breathes Oxygen too? I think I'm in love"

I think I'm in love

Note to the reader: Since college I've had a habit of not making my point completely clear when I write. For my personal writing(Read: this blog) my mission is to take a mole hill of some small event and make a mountain out of it. Often times though, I believe the point gets buried under this newly assembled mountain. With that in mind, today's entry will be followed by a factual and hopefully non-ambiguous translation.

Early last week I heard a ruckus outside my door. Nobody lives on my end of the building... at least not on my floor, so I poked my head out to see what was going on. I was surprised to find that my neighbors across the hall were moving in. It was an older couple. By older I mean older than me(Roughly my parent's age?). The woman introduced herself and her husband as Helen and Steve (Respectively, but if you were too slow to figure that out, I'd rather you just quit reading right now). At least I believe those were the names she gave me. I'm not good…

Elucidation

I've been told by numerous people, "I tried to read your blog, but it's really long." While my gut instinct is to respond with, "You should try not moving your lips when you read it, it makes it go faster." I figure maybe I should give shorter entries a try. With that in mind, today we have three smaller stories, and instead of jumbling them all together and making an overly verbose entry, I'll leave them as three smaller tales that are overly verbose.

First, let's take a step back and explain the blog, the point, and the name.

Originally the point was to kind of chronicle my mostly uninteresting stories concerning the aftermath of my relationship with Stacey. We had dated for 6 years, and then I suddenly found myself unwillingly thrust back in to the single world. It's a world I was never familiar with in the first place, so to find myself faced with it in my late 20's has been less than optimal. I'm not much for dating, or social s…

Dénouement

I wrote a while back about a girl named Iliana who I had thought lived and worked in the same buildings as I do. I didn't think I could have possibly screwed that one up more than I did, but it turns out I was wrong. One of the doormen at the Landmark(Allen) stumbled across my blog, and he recently sent me a message informing me that I had spelled her name incorrectly, which means the girl I stalked found on myspace was the wrong girl.

Even more embarrassing for me is the story that I've left out about me messaging her. Oh well, you win some you lose some right? The important part is that we can now call that mystery solved, and case closed.

In another update... Last night I found out that the day that my mom tried to set Angela and I up, my mom introduced Anna(My brother's fiancé) as "My son's girlfriend". A better choice of words may have been, "My son Josh's girlfriend", because Angela thought that Anna was my girlfriend. In other words my mom …

Anagnorisis

Last night I met Stacy, Mike, and Angela at Fox and Hound for a going away of sorts for Angela. She's gotten a new job, and moves on in a couple of weeks. I'm not sure if I had too many Sprite's, or if Geremy's training is starting to take hold, but I was quite mean. I interrupted her mid-sentence with such brilliant and sensitive things as, "Here, play with this shiny shiny spoon, and let the grown ups talk" and, "Time out, time out... you can keep talking, but we all stopped paying attention a half an hour ago"

Geremy, and a few friends showed up half way through my verbal onslaught and sat somewhat in awe as I incessantly took it to the poor girl. Geremy sat in the corner like Yoda watching over Luke as he attempted to raise the X-Wing from the swamp, for a moment proud that his student was finally taking hold of his lessons. But much like Luke I'm actually a complete wus(More on that later).

At any rate, the more I made fun of Angela, the more…

DJ Jazzy Jesse

When gmail was introduced, like a good little nerd I ran out and secured my name@gmail.com and promptly forgot about it. I use a yahoo address that I've had forever, and didn't really have a need for another, but I figured I should take it before someone else did.

A recent search for online word processing turned up http://www.writely.com/(which I love). It just so happens that writely is owned now by google, and as such uses the same log on. When I got there I thought, "Oh yeah, I have a gmail address". After playing around with it I decided to log on and clear out a few years worth of spam that I was sure to have collected. I was hoping for something that could make my erections last longer, make me the ultimate lover or at the very least get me my medication at a discounted rate, but I was surprised instead to find numerous emails from someone named Kim.

Kim sent me a lot of emails, containing a lot of personal information, about weddings that I was supposed to be D…