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Showing posts from April, 2007

Ballers Use Tide, not the Tide Pen

Note to the reader: I'm a bit sick today, so I'm sure the following lacks that solid C+ effort that readers have come to expect from Sesquipedalis, but at the moment I don't think I care. I might come back and fix it up sometime, but between you and me I don't see it happening.

My office is in one of the high rises downtown which is filled with lawyers, tax accountants, advertisers, and other "important" people who are usually dressed in a tie and jacket with a bluetooth headset and look that says, "I've got somewhere to be". The lobby is full of people hustling and bustling, and that "time is money" attitude. Of course this is all a stark contrast from the fifteenth floor upon which I reside from 8:30 till 5:30 every day.

Sure we have deadlines, and probably more bluetooth accessories than the rest of the building combined, but it's not like we need the ear piece. We're a bunch of nerdy software developers. Nobody is calling exc…

More Elevator Humor...

Yesterday was a big day for me... I had two tickets to the Sun's playoff game against the Lakers. Sean N had two tickets also. In the past year, I have watched him grow from fan to super fan. He came in to the office wearing his new Barbosa jersey and started getting me psyched for the game.

By lunch time he was in a frenzy, so we made a trip to the mall for corn dog nuggets and to pick me up a Nash jersey to wear to the game. While we were there, we stopped by the photo booth and took some couple's photos that I think turned out rather nicely. All in all I'd say it was the quintessential trip to the mall.

I tried to get some inside information out of Sean about Nash. Since Sean is also a Canadian I assumed he knew him from the meetings or something, but he was too busy drawing hearts around Leandro Barbosa pictures to respond.

Eventually it was time to go meet Mory for dinner(She was my date for the game), so I packed up and headed out. As I left, there was a woman in the el…

This is not the post you were looking for...

Edit: Added #4

I've been busy with life, work, and most importantly the 2007 playoffs starting again, and as such the blog is falling a tad behind. With that in mind I give you the second edition of, "Things you should be reading right now instead of this"

1. My main man Erik, star of such amazing stories as Why Erik and Jesse don't get Invited to Weddings Anymore and Una Vez has recently set off to Brazil in pursuit of happiness and adventure. I personally believe that he thinks that his chances are better with girls that don't speak the same language that he does, but that's beside the point. He's started a blog which can be found here:

If he doesn't keep up with it, feel free to email him and harass him as much as possible.

2. Most likely inspired by the awesomeness that is my blog, Rose has decided to post some entries from her "Guerrilla Blog". The assumption is that she'll start adding new entries, but…

Rant of the Day: Twins

One of the more interesting things about knowing a set of cute twins is everyone else's reaction to them. I've probably had the following conversation or one quite similar to it more times than I could count using only my own digits.

"So what do your neighbors do?", asks random nerd #1
"Oh, they both work for Dillards"
"Wait, they work together and live together?"
"Yeah, they pretty much do everything together"
"... everything? Dude... everything?"

At this point I'm normally subjected to either a nudge and wink, or a glorious "high five". Sometimes I'll play stupid just to see how long it will go for.

"Yeah, most everything. They went to school together... and... let me see..."
"But dude. Twins... that's like the ultimate fantasy"

It should be noted that 9 out of 10 of these conversations are had with guys that are just as "female interaction challenged" as I am or worse. After a while…

Nerd Word(s): I saw that on pop up video

I saw that on pop up video
- support statement

1. A made up support statement used to help prove something that in fact is a lie.

[ Origin: In 1998 I was hanging out with some friends when we had the following conversation:

Rose: I know 3 drummers named Josh what's with
Adam: Actually, 67% of all drummers are
named Josh.
Jesse: Oh, did you see that pop up
video too?
Rose: Oh
At this point everyone just nodded in acceptance ]

- synonyms
Note: This Nerd Phrase is unique in that it evolves with time like a species unto itself.
1. (2001) I read on the internet...

2. (2004) I was listening to NPR and...

3. (2006) Oh yeah, I read that on wikipedia...

4. (2007) Jon Stewart made some vague reference the other night to the fact that...

Vegas: 2003

I have been asked by many people when I was going to tell the Vegas story. I have, as of yet, put it off since it was such an epic event that I don't feel I could do it justice in the blog. I do, however, feel that it is something I need to do, and as such I feel it necessary to blog about all 3 of my trips to Vegas. Just to break with tradition, I'm going to go ahead and blog them in chronological order. It also makes sense since they, at least in my mind, get progressively more exciting.

In 6 years of dating Stacey, I don't think I ever really figured out how to make her happy. I put forth a minimum effort towards that goal to be sure, but it wasn't something that I ever felt I excelled greatly at. If you asked her, she'd tell you, "You make yourself happy, other people can't do that for you."

With that in mind, the one thing that I knew she liked to do was go on vacations. Throughout her childhood she would go on vacation every summer to places like …

I Think I've Been Plagiarized

Okay, I don't actually think I've been plagiarized, but I did find it quite odd this evening when I sat down and watched "How I Met Your Mother.", a show that I love, and often times liken this blog to.'s description of the episode reads:

Robin attends Lily's bridal shower and finds the gift that she brought is out of place. That "gift" happens to be a black... well, in the spirit of PG-13, fake male part. She even gets an old sweet lady to "give" the gift to the bride. Sound at all familiar?

If, in next week's episode, Ted fall's in love with a cute Chilean girl that he met in an engineering class, I might have to consider legal action.

I need to just keep my mouth shut in the elevator

I stayed late at work today. I couldn't really tell you why. My next deadline isn't until Friday of next week, and according to the standard nerd rules I shouldn't be putting in extra time until Wednesday at the earliest.

At any rate, just after six I decided it was time to head home. As I strolled out I noticed Liang was still in his office.

"You heading home?" he asked.
"Yeah, gotta hit the restroom first"
"I'll meet you in the lobby in a minute"

As I was entering the lobby after having taken care of my business I heard the elevator ding as it's doors opened.

"That jerk took off without me" I thought and quickened my pace to catch up. I opened the door to the elevator lobby to see Liang walking towards an elevator with an open door, and inside the elevator I could see a woman furiously pushing the "Close Door" button as if she was quite upset to have been stopped.

I looked at Liang, shrugged, and we both got in. The woma…

Ballers Use Tide - The evolution of a joke

If there's one thing I can do in this world, it's take a joke that's only mildly funny, and run it in to the ground. Around a year ago I was pleased to find that a coworker of mine, Sean N, shared the exact same trait. You may remember Sean from such previous works as the portrait of two girls riding on a dolphin.

When I first met Sean, his friend J.R. had gotten him calling everything "Baller". Soon I was using "Baller", Sean L was using "Baller"... "Baller" usage was spiraling out of control at the office.

Just as the "Baller" phenomenon started to die down the following picture was taken with the simple caption, "This is how Ballers do the laundry"

Soon a comment showed up that read, "Ballers Use Tide"

After that, the word Baller was often replaced with Tide. "Man, that car is so Tide", etc.

I later saw a video by Chingy that started with the comment, "Do you want to know what the definition…

Nerd Word(s) - Special Edition: Baller

- Noun, Adjective

1. Someone who is quite exceptional. Most often relating to the spending of money.

[ Origin: About a year and a half ago I started hanging out with Sean N at work who had stolen the phrase from his friend J.R. ]

- synonyms
1. Pimp
2. Money

See also: Tide

- usage
"Man that car is so baller"
"Damn Baller. Where'd you get that watch?"

Jesse Finally Gets Lucky with Ruthie

The one good thing about having an abundance of pretend girlfriends is that you can get out any romantic type desires of dating without any of the pressure. I mean sure, you don't get the extracurricular engagement, but when you've gone as long as I have without, you mostly just give up on that.

With Ana out of the picture and Sarah in school, my pretend girlfriend dates have dropped to an all time low, so I was kind of excited when Ruthie told me that Jacob would be in Tucson for a Friday, and that her and I should go out and do something.

I consulted my big list of dates and after whittling them down I decided on a restaurant near and dear to my heart. I decided on Peter Piper Pizza. Skee Ball and crappy pizza, is there a better way to treat a lady and spend a Friday night? If you answered this question, "Yes", then this right here... you and I... it's probably not going to work out.

Eldad and Rachel decided they'd meet us there, but that gave us time to order…