Monday, August 27, 2007

The Sesquipedalis Year in Review:
Top 5 Stories You Never Read
Story 4: Twin Parties

While Ruth and Rachel had a lot of get togethers and parties over the past year there were two of considerable note.

The first party was the annual LRLR New Year's celebration extravaganza. The twins have a tradition that they have kept since they were in fourth grade of getting together with their two best friends, Lauren and Leyda(The love of my life), and spending New Year's Eve together. Although the four have gone their separate ways and now live all cross the country, they still manage to reassemble once a year like the Super Friends or the Avengers.

I'd like, in vast detail, to describe this celebration to you, but unfortunately this estrogen based Voltron is "no boys allowed". I will however, to the best of my abilities, describe the few details I was able to glean as the the pre-party was at the Twin's house, which means the pre-party was at my house.

Quote of the evening:

Rachel has a tendency to joke, so I have no idea if the following was a true statement, or an attempt to give me a heart attack. We were at Target shopping for party supplies. Rachel wanted to get silly string while Ruth and Leyda were against the idea. I decided to try to help Ruth and Leyda out before quickly realizing(As often happens with Rachel) that I had bitten off more than I could chew.

"Yeah, you don't want that stuff, it's a mess." I said, "Besides, it'll get all in your clothes and be sticky"
"Oh, we're normally all naked by that time anyhow" she said as she grabbed the can out of my hand and walked away.

30 minutes later I had scraped my jaw off the ground and returned home where Rachel was busy making a balloon/float/drop type apparatus and the other girls were cutting confetti.

Other important details(Now with pictures!):

1. At one point in the night they decided to attempt a dance they had choreographed in their youth. (Not Pictured)

2. I was asked to take pictures to commemorate the occasion.


3. I got out my extensive hat collection to help with the photographs.


4. Rachel does a good impersonation of a ninja.


5. Ruth tried to steal my camera to take pictures of me


6. But I punched her


7. Eventually we made up.


8. It's quite possible I should spend the rest of my life trying to convince Leyda to marry me, but true to form, I think I freaked her out.


The second "Twin Party" this year was my birthday. The girls took it upon themselves to throw me a bash of epic proportions. Truth be told, had I been given a choice I probably would have asked for a quiet evening alone since I don't enjoy being the center of attention. Although to stick with the theme of truthfulness, I'm sure that it's impossible for anyone to be in the same room as those two and be the center of attention. At any rate, I ended up quite pleased with it, and I'm sure it's a birthday I'll never forget.


Erik trying to steal my neighbors

Friday, August 24, 2007

The Sesquipedalis Year in Review:
Top 5 Stories You Never Read
Story 3: Awake and Alert

I pretty much lost my "edge" about 4 or 5 years ago. I remember being at a concert and looking out across all the emo kids in the crowd and thinking, much like gym class in high school, "I don't belong here".

I immediately took off my black T-Shirt, got a hair cut, turned my hat around forwards, and went and bought every album by Kenny G. With a signed contract from "The Man" in my pocket, I more or less gave up on live music unless it was main stream, or live music recorded on a CD.

It took a bit of convincing, but I finally made it to one of Maya's band's shows. Luckily her audience is more of the happy teenage kids than the emo "my mom just doesn't get me" variety that I rolled with as a kid. They're the type that wouldn't judge me on my polo shirt and slacks.

I've now seen Awake and Alert a handful of times, and am pleased to report that they're not bad. The best show featured Maya doing a few solo acoustic songs beforehand. I'm not sure if she'll be doing it again, so if you missed it, too bad sucker.

So anyhow, as much as I hate plugging music, check them out on myspace and do Maya a solid and pick up the album when it comes out in Sept.

Yeah yeah, I lied. I've never worn a polo shirt in my life.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

The Sesquipedalis Year in Review:
Top 5 Stories You Never Read
Story 2: James Gets Married

When I was in second grade I was on a soccer team. I don't remember much about the soccer team. We had blue uniforms, and didn't win a lot. I played defense, and our goalie was a kid who slightly resembled Luke Skywalker, and probably for that reason, I thought he was a cool guy.

As luck would have it James and I sat next to each other the following year at school, and he spent his afternoons with his Aunt Linda who lived about 10 houses down from me. It wasn't long before we were "Jesse James", a joke that every adult thought they were the first to make, and we were forced to laugh at.

By the time eighth grade rolled around, we had done everything together. We were the two stereotypical nerds from every teen movie you've ever seen(See Superbad). We graduated junior high, and one day while outside riding our bikes or throwing ball or whatever James told me he was moving to Tennessee.


James and Jesse at 8th grade graduation. Oddly enough, both single at the time

Time passed, and like many do, we lost touch. I eventually found him by use of the Internet a few years later in college. We'd hang out when he came back through town, and though we hadn't seen each other for many years, it was like nothing had changed. He went on to medical school and is now a doctor.

I was slightly surprised when he called a few months back to ask me to be in his wedding, both by the fact that someone had agreed to marry him, and by the fact that he had asked me to be in it. It wasn't that I didn't still consider him a good friend, but a long time had passed since we were major components of each other's lives. Besides, I assumed the possibility of me embarrassing him weighed heavily on his decision.

I of course agreed. If Wedding Crasher's taught me anything it's that Weddings are the place to be. The date was set(7-7-7). I of course was late making my plans. After my dad's health issues I considered not going, but he seemed okay, and I was soon on my way to Jackson, MS.

James is simultaneously the most over prepared and most nervous person on the planet, which made for a fair amount of harassment from me, and his best man David(Jesse 2.0). Everything seemed to be going according to plan until about an hour before the wedding when James's face froze up in that "OH SHIT" kind of look that you don't want to see out of someone who's a doctor. His face didn't relax, and no sound came out. Eventually David pieced it together.


Jesse, James, David, David, Katie - Groom + 4 Groom's Persons

"You forgot the rings"

James nodded the affirmative, and to live up to his best man title, David quickly headed back to the hotel while I tried my best to lighten the mood.

Wedding Group 9 (2)

Basically how I'll look on my wedding day in case any of the ladies were wondering

In the end James and Amanda had a storybook wedding, and I'm sure the marriage will be nothing less. It's interesting to see my childhood chum all grown up, but to be honest in 15 years he hasn't changed much really, and that's a good thing.

Wedding 073 Toast

James and Amanda. I think he likes to keep short people around. It's good for the self image

Friday, August 17, 2007

The Sesquipedalis Year in Review:
Top 5 Stories You Never Read
Story 1: A date with Milka

Wow, that has to be the longest title ever. I originally wanted to do an entry containing 5 smaller stories that I never wrote since they would have ended up being rather short. But I'm always told that I write too much anyhow, and the network has been on my ass about lack of content lately, so I guess I'll split them up.

"No, I'm just really tired and don't want to go out tonight" the little voice on the other end of the line said. Ana had been pulling away for months, so I really expected nothing less from the phone call, but I had to try. "Oh, my sister says hi. She'd probably want to go do something"

"Yeah? Alright, ask her if she wants to go get gelato." I said half jokingly.
"She said okay"
"I'll be there in 30 minutes" I said with an uncharacteristic spontaneity and quickly hung up the phone.

I had known Ana's sister Milka for a few years and always gotten along well with her. In some ways she was the "Jesse" of their family. She was the responsible one, the one who took care of herself.

The date went well. We spent the majority of the night talking about Ana and being silly. She told me that I should make up an extravagant story for my blog where her and I end up making out on my couch or some other such nonsense just to see how Ana would react, but I just didn't have it in me.

Monday, August 13, 2007

The Sesquipedalis Year in Review: Report Card

The blog has been a bit dead lately, and for that I apologize, but like Lindsay Lohan and a coke dealer, or Augustus Gloop at an all you can eat buffet, I'm back and you can be sure I'll be checking in frequently. Edit: I was told after having written this, on a totally unrelated subject, that "You should never apologize for your work". I apologize for my writing quite often. Sorry for all of the apologies.

It's hard to believe that I've been pushing this crap out for a year now, and even harder to believe that somebody has actually cared enough to read it(Thanks Mom). It seems like only yesterday I was a spikey haired nerd without a beard, living day to day, over analyzing my life and interactions with members of the opposite sex. But now, some 12 months and almost a hundred posts later I've matured, I've moved forward I've... well, basically nothings changed.

I shouldn't say nothing has changed. A lot has actually changed around me in the past year. I just don't think I've changed all that much. Feelings of lack of growth aside, let's take a trip back and look at some of the hits and misses from the past year.

Female Relations:
I think my female relationships over the past year can best be described with the following picture:

I'd be the one on the left in this picture(Actual size)

I wasn't sure if that joke would make sense so I went ahead and translated it from English to Japanese and then back again to English. It's good enough for DVD player instructions, it's good enough for Sesquipedalis.(Credit goes to News Radio for this joke)

Jesse thank you! But as for our king women there is another castle

Grade: D-

Non-romantic type relations:
Aside from the romantic stuff, I'd give the "friend's" department a pretty big thumbs up. I lost a few on the way this year, but I also met a lot of people. Having hot neighbor twins is a bit like being best friends with the quarterback in high school. Sure I'm not the most popular girl in school, but at least I get invited to all the parties.

The good news is I've gotten to branch out and meet a lot of types of people I never would have met otherwise. The twins have a way such that even my turtle shell like defense doesn't normally hold out long, and I end up having to be somewhat social.

Grade: B+

My #1 goal this year was to just get out, be more social, and do things that I normally wouldn't do. As stated previously, mission accomplished on that front. I've gone as far as actually ordering a beer while on a work trip to Chicago. Oddly enough, the tap broke while they were pouring mine, so I took it as a sign from the giant spaghetti monster that it was time to get back on the wagon and ordered a Coke.

Other, lesser goals didn't fair so well. As far as female interactions go, I think I got more play from my soon to be sister-in-law(That story coming sometime) than anyone else.

I did beat the new Legend of Zelda and Super Mario, and as you can imagine, to a nerd those are quite important goals.

Grade: A-

Overall the past year gets about a B-. I'd say things have progressed in a positive manner, and I'm certainly no worse off than I was last year, but it did seem like for every time I hopped on the express way this year there was a traffic jam, or flat tire to slow me down.

Friday, August 10, 2007

The Great Beard Challenge

Historians may have lost the original stories as to how the Great Beard Challenge got started, but I shall do my best to relate it as I remember.

"I always wanted to have a beard" Sean said. He's a 27 year old man with the facial hair growth of a 7 year old girl. His newborn son Cale will have a beard before Sean ever does.

"I bet mine is worse." I replied. It's a well known fact that my people(nerds) are perpetual one-uppers, we one up people. "I think I have like 6 hairs that actually grow"

"Yeah, but at least you don't have blond hair" he pointed out.

"Your mom has blond hair, and the curtains match the carpet."

Okay, that last part didn't happen, but you can imagine what it would be like if it had. After a half an hour of "nuh uh" and, "your mom" one of us suggested we find out.

"I could definitely 60% a beard" I told him. "The beauty of this bit is, we have to do nothing. It'd basically be like what you get paid to do here"

We quickly set the rules of the competition up. Best beard in 30 days wins. We invited a few other people to join us in our beard competition, but most declined. We made sure to only invite people who can't grow beards. After significant persuasion, Scot decided to join up.

"I'm not sure how long I can last though. Kelly won't like it" Scot said, trembling in fear of his wife.

"Well, you can go for as long as you can hold out, or if you find your balls maybe you can stay for the whole 30 days." we told him.

We started taking pictures every day, and Sean soon set up a website to track the progress.

As of the writing of this entry I look absolutely ridiculous. Not only that, but most people seem to agree that I'm winning. How embarrassing for Sean.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

NerdMory Word(s): Fan

- Noun

1. Anyone who is a friend, or shows an interest in you.

[ Origin: For a period of a couple of years Miranda replaced the word "peep" in her vocabulary with the word "fan"]

- usage
1. "I was probably going to drop in to the party and at least say hi to my fans."

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Miranda's 21st

Part 2 - Mory Hearts Vegas

Yeah yeah, I'm behind. Sorry. This one has been sitting around since I made the "Heart" entry, it's just taken a while to finally push it out.

2 years ago Miranda turned 21 and decided that for her birthday, a trip to Vegas was in order. The idea of ten or so of my sister's 20-something year old female friends "drunk and crazy" in Vegas combined with the new "What happens in Vegas..." ads that had been running on TV was enough to convince me that it was an event I should attend. I mean somebody had to be there to be the responsible one and, well, look out for them. Yeah, look out for them.

I elected to drive up separately since I hadn't taken Friday off of work, and as always I like to have an escape plan in the event of unforeseen issues, or an attack from the black ninjas. After the 5 and a half hour trip I arrived at the hotel. My mom, who was easily located at the closest slot machine, informed me everyone else was at New York New York, a mile or so down the strip.

I made my way through the crowds of people, down the strip, and finally arrived at the casino. A few text messages later and I found "the group" in the ESPN zone bar where my sister had picked up a fan in the form of a Marine who was on leave.

"Your sister needs to go back to the hotel, she's hammered", Anna(My brother's girlfriend) informed me.

Who wants to take her? I questioned in my head. Funny, no volunteers?

It took a bit longer to convince her that she needed to go, but eventually she relented.

"I'll go too. I'm out of money" a woman I hadn't realized was "with us" turned and said. She was a bit older... maybe 40's?

"Mom's friend?" I mouthed silently to Anna.
She shook her head. "Miranda's"

As we were about to leave Anna pulled me aside, "Get Miranda a cab. She'll never make it all the way back. And... watch out for Kathy. That woman is crazy"

Krazy Kathy huh? How bad could it be?

Miranda, all drunk and stuff

By the time we reached the street I was practically carrying Miranda while Krazy Kathy was jabbering non-stop about what else they "needed" to do that night. I soon found a cab and asked the driver how much for a ride back to our hotel.

"No thanks." He said. Apparently the trip was too short for him. "For you... 20 dollars" he reconsidered.

I considered telling him where he could go, but my arm was already getting tired of holding my sister up, and we still had about a mile to go. Apparently I had spent too much time weighing my options because Kathy answered for us with a few words that shouldn't be repeated in a family blog such as this, accompanied by a hand gesture(Hint: Not a wave). The taxi driver responded in kind. I quickly corralled the two and steered them north.

A half mile down the road a tour bus pulled up. The doors opened, and people started dancing. Moments later the doors closed and the bus sped off, but not before Kathy could comment, "Hey... there's a bus full of dancing black people"

Miranda, who was now practically passed out, perked up. "Oh" she said. "Hey, there's another one over there." I assume that somewhere in her alcohol consumed mind she decided that it was a game and by the time she had physically pointed out 2 black people she was somehow winning. I wasn't sure if she was winning or not, but I was quite sure at that point who was losing.

Thank you for this Kathy... Thank you oh so much.

"Look at that one," my sister thought she whispered as we approached the hotel, "She's dressed like a whore"

An hour later, feeling somewhat like Frodo after having dropped the ring off, I had gotten my sister in to bed and found my mom. "You're in a room with your Uncle Tim" she told me.

I love my uncle, and hadn't seen him in a while, so I was happy with the arrangement... at least until I opened the door and was assaulted by his snore. They do light rail construction 20 feet from my window in the mornings right now with a jackhammer, and it's more tolerable than my Uncle's snore.

After little sleep, I finally decided to get out of bed, sure that the second day would be better than the first had been.