The Sesquipedalis Year in Review: Superlatives

Best Joke:
There are many to choose from, but for some reason this one really stuck with me.

About a month or so ago, Ruth, Allen, Kendall and I took a walk down to Genny's for some late night snacking. If you're not familiar with Arizona, Genny's is the "Gay Denny's".

At any rate, while discussing funerals Kendall announced, "When I die I want someone to sing Don't Stop Believing by Journey at my funeral."

"That's a good one." I said, "Journey is one of my favorite bands"
"Except I want an Asian person to sing it" she finished the joke.

It took a few moments for it to sink in, but once it did I couldn't stop laughing. (If it hasn't clicked for you yet, just let it percolate for a bit)

Honorable Mention: Mom

Best Pretend Girlfriend Date
Laura recently let me come to her house and she painted while I blogged. I was hopeful that her artistic chi would rub off on me and some how result in a better blog. I, much like Britney when she said yes to the VMA's, was sadly mistaken.

Honorable Mention: Maya for "Sewage Waterfall and Chinese food - A Winning Combination"

Best New, "You know how I know Jesse's Gay?" fact
Well, you could easily write a novel for this one, but the winner is, Aqualung

Honorable Mention: After hearing recently that our offices might get moved(Separated), Sean told me, "I can't quit you"

Second Honorable Mention: Anything involving Geremy

Third Honorable Mention: Anything involving Ben

Best Sandwich
Jesse Sandwich. As created by Ruth and Rachel(Yeah baby!)

Best Wall Art
Twins and Dolphin

Honorable Mention: Liang Shot

Best Blog Post
I don't know, probably something Stefi wrote, but for the sake of self promotion, I'm going to say the on that cracks me up the most looking back is "I Think I'm in Love" mostly because I wrote it and then really was more or less in love. I'm usually not quite so prophetic with the positive stuff.

Most Embarrassing Moment
Many of my "embarrassing" moments really aren't that bad, but the one that really did hit home was the infamous hand shake.

Most Recent Blog Entry that I "Phoned In"
This one.

The Sesquipedalis Year in Review: Top 5 Stories You Never ReadStory 5: Laura's Art Show

One might assume from the writings in my blog that many of my friends, like myself, are uncultured and untalented. In this particular case, One would be very wrong. Despite the fact that my talents are limited to video game mastery and crappy puns, many of my friends have actual artistic ability.

I've known Laura so long that I can't exactly remember how we met. I do remember a particular event that seemed to set off the friendship, but that's a story for another time.

I was quite happy earlier this year when she informed me that she'd be having a showing at her house and I was invited. Laura has been a artist/painter(As opposed to house painter) forever, but seems to have dedicated herself to it more in the past few years, and after what seemed like an eternity of her saying, "I'm not ready yet", it was nice to finally hear her say, "I'm ready"

I invited Ruth and Rachel to go with me since I know as much about art as I do women, and having someone there to keep me in line seemed like a good call. They agreed, but Ruth ended up being out of town so Rachel ended up being my keeper for the evening.

The night went well, and I was both impressed and proud of the body of work that Laura had created. You can view her work at her website, but here's one of my personal favorites(Even though it seems to bother Laura that "Everyone likes that one"):

http://www.lauramariestudios.com/

The Sesquipedalis Year in Review: Top 5 Stories You Never ReadStory 4: Twin Parties

While Ruth and Rachel had a lot of get togethers and parties over the past year there were two of considerable note.

The first party was the annual LRLR New Year's celebration extravaganza. The twins have a tradition that they have kept since they were in fourth grade of getting together with their two best friends, Lauren and Leyda(The love of my life), and spending New Year's Eve together. Although the four have gone their separate ways and now live all cross the country, they still manage to reassemble once a year like the Super Friends or the Avengers.

I'd like, in vast detail, to describe this celebration to you, but unfortunately this estrogen based Voltron is "no boys allowed". I will however, to the best of my abilities, describe the few details I was able to glean as the the pre-party was at the Twin's house, which means the pre-party was at my house.

Quote of the evening:

Rachel has a tendency to joke, so I have no idea if the following was a true statement, or an attempt to give me a heart attack. We were at Target shopping for party supplies. Rachel wanted to get silly string while Ruth and Leyda were against the idea. I decided to try to help Ruth and Leyda out before quickly realizing(As often happens with Rachel) that I had bitten off more than I could chew.

"Yeah, you don't want that stuff, it's a mess." I said, "Besides, it'll get all in your clothes and be sticky"
"Oh, we're normally all naked by that time anyhow" she said as she grabbed the can out of my hand and walked away.

30 minutes later I had scraped my jaw off the ground and returned home where Rachel was busy making a balloon/float/drop type apparatus and the other girls were cutting confetti.

Other important details(Now with pictures!):

1. At one point in the night they decided to attempt a dance they had choreographed in their youth. (Not Pictured)

2. I was asked to take pictures to commemorate the occasion.

3. I got out my extensive hat collection to help with the photographs.

4. Rachel does a good impersonation of a ninja.

5. Ruth tried to steal my camera to take pictures of me

6. But I punched her

7. Eventually we made up.

8. It's quite possible I should spend the rest of my life trying to convince Leyda to marry me, but true to form, I think I freaked her out.

The second "Twin Party" this year was my birthday. The girls took it upon themselves to throw me a bash of epic proportions. Truth be told, had I been given a choice I probably would have asked for a quiet evening alone since I don't enjoy being the center of attention. Although to stick with the theme of truthfulness, I'm sure that it's impossible for anyone to be in the same room as those two and be the center of attention. At any rate, I ended up quite pleased with it, and I'm sure it's a birthday I'll never forget.

Erik trying to steal my neighbors

The Sesquipedalis Year in Review: Top 5 Stories You Never ReadStory 3: Awake and Alert

I pretty much lost my "edge" about 4 or 5 years ago. I remember being at a concert and looking out across all the emo kids in the crowd and thinking, much like gym class in high school, "I don't belong here".

I immediately took off my black T-Shirt, got a hair cut, turned my hat around forwards, and went and bought every album by Kenny G. With a signed contract from "The Man" in my pocket, I more or less gave up on live music unless it was main stream, or live music recorded on a CD.

It took a bit of convincing, but I finally made it to one of Maya's band's shows. Luckily her audience is more of the happy teenage kids than the emo "my mom just doesn't get me" variety that I rolled with as a kid. They're the type that wouldn't judge me on my polo shirt and slacks.

I've now seen Awake and Alert a handful of times, and am pleased to report that they're not bad. The best show featured Maya doing a few solo acoustic songs beforehand. I'm not sure if she'll be doing it again, so if you missed it, too bad sucker.

So anyhow, as much as I hate plugging music, check them out on myspace and do Maya a solid and pick up the album when it comes out in Sept.

http://www.myspace.com/awakeandalert

Yeah yeah, I lied. I've never worn a polo shirt in my life.

The Sesquipedalis Year in Review: Top 5 Stories You Never ReadStory 2: James Gets Married

When I was in second grade I was on a soccer team. I don't remember much about the soccer team. We had blue uniforms, and didn't win a lot. I played defense, and our goalie was a kid who slightly resembled Luke Skywalker, and probably for that reason, I thought he was a cool guy.

As luck would have it James and I sat next to each other the following year at school, and he spent his afternoons with his Aunt Linda who lived about 10 houses down from me. It wasn't long before we were "Jesse James", a joke that every adult thought they were the first to make, and we were forced to laugh at.

By the time eighth grade rolled around, we had done everything together. We were the two stereotypical nerds from every teen movie you've ever seen(See Superbad). We graduated junior high, and one day while outside riding our bikes or throwing ball or whatever James told me he was moving to Tennessee.

James and Jesse at 8th grade graduation. Oddly enough, both single at the time

Time passed, and like many do, we lost touch. I eventually found him by use of the Internet a few years later in college. We'd hang out when he came back through town, and though we hadn't seen each other for many years, it was like nothing had changed. He went on to medical school and is now a doctor.

I was slightly surprised when he called a few months back to ask me to be in his wedding, both by the fact that someone had agreed to marry him, and by the fact that he had asked me to be in it. It wasn't that I didn't still consider him a good friend, but a long time had passed since we were major components of each other's lives. Besides, I assumed the possibility of me embarrassing him weighed heavily on his decision.

I of course agreed. If Wedding Crasher's taught me anything it's that Weddings are the place to be. The date was set(7-7-7). I of course was late making my plans. After my dad's health issues I considered not going, but he seemed okay, and I was soon on my way to Jackson, MS.

James is simultaneously the most over prepared and most nervous person on the planet, which made for a fair amount of harassment from me, and his best man David(Jesse 2.0). Everything seemed to be going according to plan until about an hour before the wedding when James's face froze up in that "OH SHIT" kind of look that you don't want to see out of someone who's a doctor. His face didn't relax, and no sound came out. Eventually David pieced it together.

Jesse, James, David, David, Katie - Groom + 4 Groom's Persons

"You forgot the rings"

James nodded the affirmative, and to live up to his best man title, David quickly headed back to the hotel while I tried my best to lighten the mood.

Basically how I'll look on my wedding day in case any of the ladies were wondering

In the end James and Amanda had a storybook wedding, and I'm sure the marriage will be nothing less. It's interesting to see my childhood chum all grown up, but to be honest in 15 years he hasn't changed much really, and that's a good thing.

James and Amanda. I think he likes to keep short people around. It's good for the self image

The Sesquipedalis Year in Review: Top 5 Stories You Never ReadStory 1: A date with Milka

Wow, that has to be the longest title ever. I originally wanted to do an entry containing 5 smaller stories that I never wrote since they would have ended up being rather short. But I'm always told that I write too much anyhow, and the network has been on my ass about lack of content lately, so I guess I'll split them up.

"No, I'm just really tired and don't want to go out tonight" the little voice on the other end of the line said. Ana had been pulling away for months, so I really expected nothing less from the phone call, but I had to try. "Oh, my sister says hi. She'd probably want to go do something"

"Yeah? Alright, ask her if she wants to go get gelato." I said half jokingly.
"She said okay"
"I'll be there in 30 minutes" I said with an uncharacteristic spontaneity and quickly hung up the phone.

I had known Ana's sister Milka for a few years and always gotten along well with her. In some ways she was the "Jesse" of their family. She was the responsible one, the one who took care of herself.

The date went well. We spent the majority of the night talking about Ana and being silly. She told me that I should make up an extravagant story for my blog where her and I end up making out on my couch or some other such nonsense just to see how Ana would react, but I just didn't have it in me.

The Sesquipedalis Year in Review: Report Card

The blog has been a bit dead lately, and for that I apologize, but like Lindsay Lohan and a coke dealer, or Augustus Gloop at an all you can eat buffet, I'm back and you can be sure I'll be checking in frequently. Edit: I was told after having written this, on a totally unrelated subject, that "You should never apologize for your work". I apologize for my writing quite often. Sorry for all of the apologies.

It's hard to believe that I've been pushing this crap out for a year now, and even harder to believe that somebody has actually cared enough to read it(Thanks Mom). It seems like only yesterday I was a spikey haired nerd without a beard, living day to day, over analyzing my life and interactions with members of the opposite sex. But now, some 12 months and almost a hundred posts later I've matured, I've moved forward I've... well, basically nothings changed.

I shouldn't say nothing has changed. A lot has actually changed around me in the past year. I just don't think I've changed all that much. Feelings of lack of growth aside, let's take a trip back and look at some of the hits and misses from the past year.

Female Relations:
I think my female relationships over the past year can best be described with the following picture:

I'd be the one on the left in this picture(Actual size)

I wasn't sure if that joke would make sense so I went ahead and translated it from English to Japanese and then back again to English. It's good enough for DVD player instructions, it's good enough for Sesquipedalis.(Credit goes to News Radio for this joke)

Jesse thank you! But as for our king women there is another castle

Grade: D-

Non-romantic type relations:
Aside from the romantic stuff, I'd give the "friend's" department a pretty big thumbs up. I lost a few on the way this year, but I also met a lot of people. Having hot neighbor twins is a bit like being best friends with the quarterback in high school. Sure I'm not the most popular girl in school, but at least I get invited to all the parties.

The good news is I've gotten to branch out and meet a lot of types of people I never would have met otherwise. The twins have a way such that even my turtle shell like defense doesn't normally hold out long, and I end up having to be somewhat social.

Grade: B+

Goals:
My #1 goal this year was to just get out, be more social, and do things that I normally wouldn't do. As stated previously, mission accomplished on that front. I've gone as far as actually ordering a beer while on a work trip to Chicago. Oddly enough, the tap broke while they were pouring mine, so I took it as a sign from the giant spaghetti monster that it was time to get back on the wagon and ordered a Coke.

Other, lesser goals didn't fair so well. As far as female interactions go, I think I got more play from my soon to be sister-in-law(That story coming sometime) than anyone else.

I did beat the new Legend of Zelda and Super Mario, and as you can imagine, to a nerd those are quite important goals.

Grade: A-

Overall the past year gets about a B-. I'd say things have progressed in a positive manner, and I'm certainly no worse off than I was last year, but it did seem like for every time I hopped on the express way this year there was a traffic jam, or flat tire to slow me down.