Sunday, December 24, 2006

NerdMory Word(s): Loot

- noun

1. An abundance of nice things. Usually Christmas presents.

[ Origin: First used in my younger days to describe a particularly good Christmas, but in modern times made popular by Mory ]

- synonyms
1. Fat Loot, Sweet Loot

- usage
1. "No fair! Miranda got more loot this year"

Dad gets it right

In my family, my dad is often the butt of the jokes when it comes to Christmas presents. In his mind it isn't about how much money is spent or buying the perfect thing, but he has, on occasion, attempted to participate in what Christmas has become for my family.

Unfortunately, this is often times met with less than stellar results. He is still ribbed for buying me racing stripes for my car, or the very nice set of motorcycle riding gear that I remember wearing no more than twice. The thing about my dad is that materialistic gift giving isn't exactly his specialty. That doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't give good gifts, just that his best ones aren't purchased at a store.

8 years ago today I was on the road driving from Arkansas to Arizona. Specifically, at about this time I was around the New Mexico border on my way towards Flagstaff and I was getting tired. It was the first holiday season I had ever had a girlfriend for, and it happened to coincide with a family reunion in Arkansas. Due to the way the calendar worked out, we planned on driving back on Christmas eve and Christmas day. The trip from Arkansas is about 24 hours total of driving, and we have always done it in two days.

This was the first year that I was able to share in the driving duties, and that combined with the fact that I had been away from Stacey for so long was motivation enough for me. By Albuquerque I had started an argument with my mother(Who wanted to stop for the night) that I had won by the time I hit Gallup. I'm not sure if I won the argument by actually winning, or by just not stopping, but either way I was determined.

Miranda, who was 14 at the time, also had motivation. Getting home quicker meant getting her loot quicker. She volunteered to sit in the front seat and keep me awake for the drive.

20 minutes later Miranda was sound asleep.

I had driven most of the trip, and after around 22 hours straight of driving I ran out of gas. At this time we were approaching Flagstaff. The road from Flagstaff down to Phoenix is about 2 hours long, but its also a somewhat dangerous set of switchbacks as you come down a mountain. As much as I had wanted to get home I just didn't have it in me and finally relented and agreed to stop off for the night.

It was at this time my dad, who had been resting in the back, told me to pull off and that he'd drive the car down the mountain. It seems like a small gesture, but it was one of the best presents I've ever gotten.

We got home, and I was soon back on the road, in my car, with a renewed energy flowing through me. Stacey's parents lived about a mile from mine, so the trip was short. It was about 4 am at the time. I pulled up to her house and with a quick leap was over her wall and knocking at her window.

She met me out in front of the house where we stayed for about an hour in the cold. At least I'd assume it was cold. I doubt I even noticed. After catching up, and other things that I'll leave to the imagination of the reader I eventually went home and enjoyed a peaceful night's day's rest.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Top 5: Things that rocked about last month

It was recently brought to my attention that a little over a month ago I was quite excited about the upcoming month, which has since passed. The person who brought this to my attention shall remain nameless, but she recommended I write a follow up about the top 5 things that actually rocked about last month and made all 5 points "Kendall".

Still not sure who this anonymous person is? Okay, last hint. Her name rhymes with Bendall.

But enough about that, let's put this train back on the tracks and move on with the topic at hand. In no particular order, the top 5 things that rocked about last month...

1. My Hoodie - The weather has been great. The one most important thing I'd forgotten about was that the return of cold weather means the return of the hoodie.

2. Holidays - Thanksgiving was subdued as it was tethered to a more sad event(My grandmother passed away the following day), but Halloween was a fun time. My costume was great, and riding around in my car with the Batman theme was hilarious. The quantity of scantily clad women was somewhat low, but that was okay.

3. Steve Nash - New franchise record 15 wins in a row and counting. Enough said.

4. Wii - My month has been exceptionally busy, and while I got the new Nintendo on the 19th of November, I'm still less than half way through Zelda. The other nerds have repeatedly made fun of me for not being done, but nothing shuts a nerd up like, "Yeah, I've been busy hanging out with the super hot neighbor twins."

5. Neighbors - Oh yeah, and I guess meeting my neighbors and all that was fun too. As I look back, I haven't written about them much, but I guess it just isn't that exciting for me.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Baby Steps - Jesse Eschews Creepy for "The Right Thing"

Last week as I arrived at work I noticed that a car next to where I normally park had been left with its dome light on. This car just happened to be a blue Honda Civic, which just happens to be the same type of car that Linda, the cute tax girl from floor 7 drives.

The logical assessment of this situation is that fate had intervened in my life. I would go up to the 7th floor, find her, and tell her about her car. She'd thank me and offer to take me to lunch to show her gratitude. Cut to a montage of her and I getting to know each other over the next few months including a first kiss at the top of a Ferris wheel, a trip to the zoo, a snowball fight, and finally culminating with me proposing over a candle lit dinner. There'd probably be some Journey track playing in the background of that scene... I'm not saying that's the only way it could go, but I think we can all agree that it's the most likely outcome.

I got up to my floor and decided to run it by Sean once just to double check.
"So, I think I'll run up there, find her, and tell her that her dome light is on." By this point I had our first two children named.
"Yeah, you could do that. Or you could do what a non-psycho would do and just tell security."
"Oh", that thought hadn't actually crossed my mind.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Top 5: Things that you should be reading instead of this right now

In my extensive pursuit of blogging mediocrity I've oftentimes found myself reading other's writings in hopes that I might somehow emulate what I perceive as their superior story-telling ability. I find it quite interesting to see what the other denizens of the anonymity stricken Internet have to say to the world, and with that in mind I felt it was time to share my top 5 picks for things you should be reading instead of my crap, and more importantly why.

1. Hatte - An Internet acquaintance of mine with a unique sense of humor. I didn't even know he had an online journal until I randomly stumbled across it and proceeded to read it in its entirety from start to finish. It really is more of a journal than anything, and some posts may be simple, or not particularly relevant to the random passerby, but it is all written well, and interesting. That being said, you're doing yourself a grave injustice if you don't read this post.

2. Basketbawful - A humor blog mostly discussing the darker side of the NBA. It should be noted that while the topic is most often Basketball, the discussion is often more important than the topic itself. Take for example this entry.

3. Mandi - Ever dreamed of being a 27 year old girl studying to be a nurse while living in Missoula Montana? No? Well, me neither. But surprisingly enough that makes for a good blog. In fact, Mandi's blog is probably the best example on my list of what I think a blog should be. The blog is the general day-to-day thoughts of someone I(you) don't know, but after reading it start to finish you get some insight in to someone else's world.

4. Tyler Durden - What Would Tyler Durden Do? is a website devoted to reporting news about celebrities and then poking fun at them. I've never been much to pay attention to such things, but the site is probably the most consistently funny thing I've ever read. For the inspiration behind Sean's whiteboard art see this post.

5. Miscellaneous -
Allen - Allen is my doorman at the landmark, and as cheesy as it sounds, he's not just my doorman, but a good friend. I probably average 10 or 15 minutes a day chatting with him and the goings on of our lives. He'd get a full spot to his own on the list, but he's still currently lacking in quantity of posts.

Mikele - Mikele is one of my good friends from High School, and she keeps a blog that mostly pertains to the raising of her children. If you know Mikele and read her blog in "her voice" then you can't help but love the blog. If you don't know Mikele... well, then I'm not sure how much you'll enjoy the pictures/stories about her children, but maybe you should try it and find out.

Tsakiki - An online friend that I met playing, "Final Fantasy Online". The writing is good and the information abundant, but if you don't play Final Fantasy, there's probably not a lot of interest.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

"A Jackass named Jesse" or "How I got the +3"

The week after meeting the twins I came to work with a little extra spring in my step. The sun was a bit brighter, the grass was a bit greener. Upon arriving at work I went next door to Sean's office to brag share.

"So how was your weekend dude?" I asked as if a single ounce of me actually cared.
"Pretty good, I went up to the in-laws cab..."
"Yeah, that sounds great, really fantastic for you, glad to hear it. So Friday night...." I went on to tell him the preceding stories of my weekend that have now gone on to blogging fame.

After relating the stories of my weekend to two co-workers I went back to my daily activities, but the stories, the tales... they spread quicker than STD's at a retirement home that has a Viagra machine where a gumball machine should be. Before I knew it people were high fiving me in the halls. Nerds were shouting, "Twins!!! Alright!". Whiteboard drawings were updated... Co-workers were inviting themselves over for meaningless trips.

"Hey, you mind if I come over and grab that DVD? I mean its cool if I borrow it right?"
"They won't be home tonight, they have plans dude."
"Huh? Oh, your neighbors. I don't care about that... But I just remembered I have... uhm... something to do tonight anyhow. Maybe I can come over tomorrow"

My friend Caleb informed me that the other nerds were set to build a statue in my honor and name a mule after me.

By the following week Bill Gates, Linus Torvalds and Steve Jobs had come together and unanimously voted me the new king of all nerds.°

One day Rob stopped by my office. Rob is the head of my division, and while he's a cool guy, he doesn't just "pop in" very often. I quickly closed myspace and tried to appear productive.

"Jesse, Do you have a minute?" he asked.
"Yeah, I was just trying to finish that build for the Dutch, but I've got a second"
"Well, you know the Holiday party is coming up soon"
"We allow each person to bring a guest if they'd like, but in your case we're going to bend the rules and let you bring two."

We both laughed a bit. It wasn't long before Ron, another manager, who happens to be recently single, stopped by and started questioning me and informing me that I had been given the green light on a "+2".

"Yeah, Rob already stopped by. Or is this a thing you guys are going to be doing all day? Did you guys set this up? Should I expect Tim in the next 10 minutes?"

He laughed and continued to give me a hard time. I was going to let it go, but I figured it was time for a little pay back.

"The thing is... well, I feel bad... I mean if I take the twins out all night to our party, then what about their friend Kendall the model? I mean she won't have anything to do all night, and I wouldn't want her to be lonely"

He left and moments later I heard the ring of the floor wide intercom, "Attention, Attention please. Jesse is now allowed to bring 3 people to the company Holiday party"

° Okay, I made that part up. It wasn't unanimous. Linus disagreed, but he's infamous for being a cock block. Screw the Finnish.