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Showing posts from July, 2008

Nerd Games: Rose Wedding Bingo

Rose, one of my best friends in the whole world gets married next Sunday. We had a pact that if neither of us were married by the time she hit 30 we'd just marry each other. Rose turns 29 in January, so I'll let you draw your own conclusions about her upcoming marriage. I'm just saying that fear is a powerful motivator.

With Rose's wedding I've decided to start a new tradition. I've invented a game that I call "Rose Wedding Bingo". The rules are simple.

Rose Wedding Bingo
1. Think of as many humorous things that could happen as possible and write a list.

2. Randomly pick 24 things from the list and lay them out on a 5x5 grid. The middle square is the "Free Square"

3. As the things happen at the wedding, cross them off from your bingo card. The first person to form a line wins.

Sample List(The * indicates ones that I picked for my card):
Jesse hits on a bridesmaid*

Rose calls Zach "Jesse"*

Rose calls Jesse "Zach"*

Jen knocks a flowe…

A Series of Open Letters

Christopher Nolan - Writer, Directory, Producer of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight

First of all. Wow. Just wow. You nailed it. Very very awesome movie. From the bottom of my nerd heart, thanks.

Did it really have to be 2 and a half hours long? Peter Jackson called, he wants his shtick back. There are those of us with small bladders in the audience who have issues with a 150 minute long movie, and in the case of yours there was never a "Man this would be a good time to get up" moment. Considering the entire 150 minutes was like 6 hours worth of awesome I can forgive you, but why not kick it old school and throw an intermission in there? I'm just saying.

Thanks again, and I hope the day is treating you well.
Jesse

My Future Self,

Sure, that 32 oz slushy at the gas station on the way to the movie seems like it'll be the perfect pick me up to get you through that midnight showing, but you're a little dude. 32 oz is a bit much. We both know you're going to get a drink…

From the Inbox: How to End a Blog

On Saturday as the clock struck midnight my phone once again chirped at me. "Ana's 23rd Birthday". Two years ago to the day had been both the peak and end of our "Relationship", but for some reason I never took the time to finish that part of the story.

Last year I bumped in to her one day, and then a few months later a bunch of pictures of her in Guatemala showed up on my flickr friend list. The meeting was very short and awkward. We emailed a few times, but that too was somewhat awkward. She asked me what had happened to us, which was odd since she had decided to cut off all contact. She had started dating someone, and to my surprise that meant we could no longer see each other.

Instead of answering the question and playing the game I decided to instead write her the end of our story the way I had wanted to. She was the original inspiration for this blog, so it only seemed fitting to write an end to the story. The first half of this email is complete fact…

Nerd Word(s): THAT (guy)

THAT (guy)
- proper noun

1. A person who fits well in to a (generally negative) stereotype or cliche.

[ Origin: The first time I remember hearing the phrase was Jeremy Piven in PCU(1994) when he says, "What's this? You're wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see? Don't be that guy." I'm sure it was seen much earlier than that though. ]

- usage
1. "You were so THAT guy for her. You bought her flowers. You met her mom. You totally played the role just to get in to her pants."
2. "I got totally hammered at the party after my ex showed up and was THAT guy all night"

- examples
1. Anyone over 21 who has asked other people to kick in for gas on a trip that was less than 100 miles.
2. Anyone over 24 who has gotten in an argument over who was "more fucked up".
3. Anyone who gets angry enough during a sporting event to make his or her companions scared.
4. An iPerson who is just salivating for the new iProduct.
5. Any guy who has ever sa…

Max's Birthday

I have a long standing tradition of recording odd dates in my phone so that I remember them the following year and surprise people. It's a generally good idea to know birthdays and such, but at times I take it to slight extremes just for the humor involved.

"Hey dude, your anniversary is next week. Don't screw it up this year"
"Hey, isn't it your ex-baby sitter's birthday? You should get her something"

In early March the phone let me know that Max's birthday was approaching. Max is my mother's Silky Terrier, constant companion, and fourth child. I'm not saying she loves the dog more than her children, but I am saying she's one dog sized Gucci handbag and owner-dog matching sweater set away from being that lady.

We hadn't had any fun with mom in a while, so I called my sisters Anna and Miranda and got the plan set in motion. Dad was supposed to distract mom while we decorated the house and prepared.

Miranda Baked a cake and bought smal…

How To Introduce Yourself With Style

This is my #1 girl Rose, and her fiance Zach:

Zach is basically Jesse 2.0. He's shorter. He's calmer. He's got better hair. He's all together a pleasure to be around. So, it's with little reluctance that I give this union my blessing. Sure, I feel a little like a Hugh Hefner girlfriend who just turned 35. Nobody wants to be replaced by the newer, fancier model, but in this case it's okay.

The wedding is this summer in Chicago. Money has been a little tight, and as I was budgeting for the trip I was coming up a bit short. Rose mentioned that some of her friends were looking to share a room and pointed me to her friend Teresa. Rose sent Teresa an email and at the same time I got one from another mutual friend, Sara. Now I was in a bit of a predicament since I had two possibilities on the table. I decided to go straight to the source and straighten things out with an email to Teresa.

Meeting someone face to face I have a crippling amount of self consciousness, but in…