Friday, July 18, 2008

A Series of Open Letters

Christopher Nolan - Writer, Directory, Producer of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight

First of all. Wow. Just wow. You nailed it. Very very awesome movie. From the bottom of my nerd heart, thanks.

Did it really have to be 2 and a half hours long? Peter Jackson called, he wants his shtick back. There are those of us with small bladders in the audience who have issues with a 150 minute long movie, and in the case of yours there was never a "Man this would be a good time to get up" moment. Considering the entire 150 minutes was like 6 hours worth of awesome I can forgive you, but why not kick it old school and throw an intermission in there? I'm just saying.

Thanks again, and I hope the day is treating you well.

My Future Self,

Sure, that 32 oz slushy at the gas station on the way to the movie seems like it'll be the perfect pick me up to get you through that midnight showing, but you're a little dude. 32 oz is a bit much. We both know you're going to get a drink at the theater too. Let's not over do it next time. Okay?

You're looking good today by the way. Have you been working out?

Erin - The cute girl behind the counter at the AMC 20 concession stand,

Was it really necessary to remind me that I could upgrade to a large soda for only 50 cents more? Of course I knew that going in. I can read and do math in my head. But you were aware of that. You took one look at me and knew that the perky way you asked me with a slight tilt of the head and cute grin would be more than my nerd heart could resist. You'd sold that 44 ouncer before I had even ordered.

I think I might love you despite your manipulation.

The Manager of the AMC 20 at Westgate,

I applaud you for opening up extra theaters to accommodate all the people wanting to see The Dark Knight on opening day. Here's the deal though... You've got 20 theaters that are normally staggered with show times. When one movie lets out there's a rush to the bathroom, but it's not so bad because there's only one or two movies letting out at a time. When all 20 theaters start playing the same movie at 12:01, then all 20 theaters let out at the same time. When this happens it's a running of the bulls type situation that is only exacerbated when it's a long movie. It's pandemonium. Come on baby, you're better than that.

All I'm saying is you could stagger them just a little. Have your 12:00, but also throw some 12:15's and 12:30's out there. If people didn't buy their tickets ahead of time, then they should be happy with the 12:30.



Thank you for making my S2000 capable of 0 to 60 in under 6 seconds and even bigger thanks for making it able to corner well at 40 miles an hour. Much appreciated.


The Manager of the Mobile on the Run at 91st and Camelback,

Screw you. Who closes a gas station from 1am to 3am? "On the Run" my ass.



This morning you may have noticed what appears to be a tire skid mark where someone e-brake slid their car into your driveway. You may also notice that someone "watered" one of the trees in your back yard in a non-traditional way. I can't imagine who would do such a thing, but I personally suspect one of Miranda's friends. Those kids have no respect.

Thanks for always being there and especially for living close to the theater.



  1. Maybe you shouldn't be all (germa|homo)-phobic about sharing your whoppin' 44 oz'er with your totally rad buddy. This post makes me think that the people really need to hear the lore behind Jesse "You got 44 for 44?!?!". I thought you were off the 44oz wagon. You're a sick man, man!

  2. Hehehehe. But yeah - 44 oz? Seriously. Are you an epic movie virgin, or what? :p

  3. Erik - As I said before, You write it, I'll post it. I honestly don't think that story carries over nearly as well in blog format as it does real life, but the same could be said for 90% of the crap that shows up here anyhow.

    Mary - I'm pretty much an epic everything virgin.