Monday, October 16, 2006

Jesse climbs high...

This Saturday I went hiking with Geremy and a girl I had never met(I don't think) named Amy. With an Adam, an Ana, an Anna, two Angela's, and an Angela clone in my life the blogger's commission has informed me that my quota of A names is used up and therefore, for the duration of this blog Amy will be known as Harold.

Harold's a cute girl, all dressed up in pink, with those big sun glasses that make a girl look slightly like a fly that are so popular right now. Flys freak me out, so I'm not so in to the style, but I also wear a white T-shirt and jeans 6 days a week, so I don't expect to see Jesse's Views on Fashion on E! any time soon.

So Todd, Harold and I met at Squaw Peak and spent a good two hours hiking, resting, and joking around. I was surprisingly not too much of a spaz for having just met a cute girl. I have a few theories as to why this might be:

1a) The big sunglasses. The big sunglasses theory is centered around eye contact. With big sunglasses I can't not make eye contact... I can't see her eyes. This theory requires more testing and therefore I plan on keeping two pairs of sunglasses with me at all times in the future. Any time I need to speak with a girl I'll politely ask that she put the glasses on first.
"What can I get you sir" a cute waitress will ask.
"Could you put these on please?" I'll ask while staring at her feet, then boldly and confidently state, "Diet Coke, please"

1b) The butt. The butt theory flows from the sunglasses theory. As the three of us climbed the mountain, Geremy was first, followed by Harold, followed by me. While Geremy got a view of the mountain as we climbed, I got a view of Harold's ass. When you spend 2 hours staring at someones ass, eye contact is no issue. To further test this theory I will stare at every girl that I meet's butt as much as possible. It's a hard task, but I feel it's my duty to get to the bottom of this.

2) The pink hoodie. 20 minutes into the hike, I ended up being the designated holder of Harold's pink hoodie. This theory states that any man wearing a pink Victoria's Secret hoodie while hiking has already paid his dues to the god of shame and no further sacrifice is needed.

3) Exhaustion. I'm fat. I'm old. This theory revolves around the fact that I was too tired to be stupid.

At any rate, I had an awesome time. Geremy gave a speech on top of the mountain concerning his views for socio-economic reform and its relation to our education system. I was a complete freak making jokes about everything from a new candy bar(Platoona Maroon) to how I was now dating Harold(I was, after all holding her stuff like a boyfriend. What's next, a midnight trip to the convenience store to get Playtex?) For her part, Harold helped provide the scenery(See 1b above), and almost died due to loss of blood from slipping.

No cause for worry, Harold is fine.

So what I'm saying here is that we all had a good time(At least I did), and I look forward to climbing the mountain again if my body doesn't reject me for making it actually... you know, move.


  1. I like the name game. It's fun! Geremy is Todd, and Amy is Harold... can I be someone else? (Not that you particularly know me, or that there is any foreseeable reason I should turn up in your blog. I just want to be part of the party...)

    Making a guy you've just met carry your pink hoodie (or anything pink, really) seems like a bold move. Perhaps she was anticipating the benefits of theory 1b, and that's why she didn't want to tie it around her waist and obscure the view. Well played, Harold.

  2. Great stories. I read the whole thing at work yesterday trying not to smirk too much. And, I'd have to agree with Mandi, Harold knew she was putting it in your face.