Monday, February 02, 2009

25 things

In my post Super Bowl depression I decided to do something I've never done before. I filled out an Internet survey/meme. I'm usually very much against these kinds of things, but as many people on Facebook that I know did it, and I found them interesting, I decided to go ahead and participate.

In my general fashion, I wrote more than most do, but I tried to add things that not many people know about me. There's at least one item that I don't think anyone knows, so hopefully someone enjoys this. Maybe some of these will turn in to real blog entries some time, but probably not.


1. I spent ages 3-7 in Germany. While I forgot the language over the years, my mother claims that I spoke German in my sleep for many years after the fact.

2. One summer in my youth, faced with no new Nintendo games, or money to purchase them, my best friend and I started making video game challenges to each other. In one of these challenges, I successfully beat Super Mario using only my big toes.

Yes, I realize how big of a dork I am.

3. I once ran a half mile through downtown Phoenix half naked with big goofy hat on for a bet. I lost the bet, but Matt was decent enough to buy me an Ultimate Cheeseburger at Jack in the Box as a consolation prize.

4. a. I once fit 6 oreos in my mouth at once and successfully ate them without spitting them out on a bet.

b. My entire fist will fit inside my mouth.

5. I'll do almost anything on a bet for laughs.

6. In my college years I decided to write a screenplay. One of the key figures in my movie was to be a character who's parents died in a horrific accident. He wins a huge insurance settlement and promptly heads to Vegas. During a comedic hypnotist show, the hypnotist dies. The character is left changing personalities whenever a bell rings or whistle blows throughout the movie.

Halfway through writing this movie, Office Space by Mike Judge came out. In it, the main character is hypnotized to relax, and the hypnotist dies. I quit writing movies after that.

7. My arms and hands are double jointed. I can place my hand on a table and rotate it a full 360 degrees. My thumbs and wrist bend funny as well. I can clap with one hand(In two different ways). I'm also able to lick my elbow, which some claim is "impossible".

8. In a doubles ping pong tournament at work I was paired up with the owner of my company, "Buzzsaw". I convinced him that we should dress up in tights and bumble bee outfits to "throw our opponent off". We would be the "Buzzsaw Bumble Bees" Eventually he agreed. We ended up pitted against a team that wasn't easily shaken and lost 21-19. We promptly signed the outfits and "retired" them on the wall in his executive office.

He's since left the company, and my bumble bee outfit hangs on my office wall to this day.

9. For 3 years I wrote flight simulator software for fighter jets for the Air Force. While I did get to do some cool things in that time, it was overall a far less exciting job than writing printer software, which I do now.

10. From ages 11-14 I saved 1000 dollars to purchase my first PC, which was really the catalyst for my current profession.

11. As a child I had a terrible temper. My brother drove me absolutely crazy. Since growing up, the exact opposite is true. I've only yelled at someone once in the last 15 years that I remember, and I don't think I've lost my temper in that time. It's so bad that most of my friends are thrilled when they see me even mildly upset.

12. I've never been drunk in my life. I only drink under very very special circumstances.

The most I've ever had to drink was an entire beer on my friend Stacy's birthday. Her friend Megan had passed out in the restroom, and after the fact someone ordered her another round. I decided it wasn't a good idea for her to have another, so when she was distracted and looking the other way I drank the entire thing. She never noticed.

13. There is absolutely no reason for #12, although #12 and #11 are probably related. In my adulthood the idea of losing control is a bit scary, and something I'd rather avoid. I do however like to make up stories as to why I don't drink, since "I don't want to" is unacceptable for most.

14. I'm usually more amusing when consumed in digital fashion. While I'm a fairly smart little dude, my brain is more of the "slow and steady" kind. I usually get to the right answer, but I'm not nearly as quick witted as most. I compensate for this by having most situation/jokes planned out ahead of time.

15. I once found myself face to face with my long time crush Shirley Manson(Lead singer of Garbage) before a concert. In my complete shock, the best I could come up with was to offer her the hamburger I was about to eat. Of course I even failed at saying this as I said it so low under my breath that she didn't even hear me. It was probably for the best.

16. In college, tired of people asking what kind of girl was "my girl", I started replying that all I wanted was a "Little Redheaded Girl". This was a reference to Charlie Brown.

Oddly enough, a few months later I wound up with a crush on a short redheaded girl. Somehow, the joke has stuck.

17. I'm a huge Nintendo fan, but not crazy enough to wait in line for many things. When the Wii came out, I found a target distribution list online, and went to a Target in the north valley that for some reason was getting over 100. I arrived 30 minutes before the store opened, and got one with plenty of room to spare.

18. I wrestled my sophomore year in high school, but was unable to get my weight over 93 lbs. The lowest weight class 103, and I lost every match. At one match, the opposing team didn't have anyone in my weight class, and they offered to let me wrestle a weight class up, against a girl. When I saw her snarling and hitting herself in the head before the match, I declined to wrestle the girl who out weighed me by over 20 lbs.

19. I was a lifeguard/cashier for 3 years during the summers of high school. Despite my small size I was an exceptionally strong swimmer, and enjoyed besting the big strong jocks at most of the life guarding challenges. After those 3 years, I don't really enjoy the pool that much.

20. I delivered pizza for 2 years, and still consider it one of, if not the best jobs I've ever had. Since that time, I don't really enjoy Pizza Hut pizza.

21. As a kid I had numerous tests run on me to figure out why I was so short. This included monthly examination of my little boy parts, and frequent blood drawing. After years and years of this they finally told me, "You're just short"

22. In high school I designed and built a hovercraft that didn't completely function. After I got a real job and had the money I purchased a gas powered blower and made one that worked.

23. I was born a month early with a double hernia, which wasn't repaired until I was a year of age. My mother says I have a big chest due to the constant crying.

24. When I was very young we had an Atari, and one night my dad forgot to tuck me in because he was busy playing Pac-Man. I was quite upset and on that day decided that I hated video games and would never play them myself. Boy was I wrong.

25. I tend to write a lot when I sit down to write on the computer. I jokingly say it's because I type really fast, but the real answer is probably that I'm overcompensating for my height.

I'm sorry.

4 comments:

  1. Good, solid writing from start to finish. Captivating stuff. Numbers 4b, 16, and 23 I was not fully aware of. And somehow I am surprised to learn that Jesse delivered Pizza for only 2 years. I have that in my head as his Modus Operandi for at least a decade.

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  2. While I forgot the language over the years, my mother claims that I spoke German in my sleep for many years after the fact.

    I wouldn't read too much into that; your mom tells me I say lots of strange things after I roll off her and go to sleep.

    Z-to-the-INGGGGGG.

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  3. Adam,

    I haven't tried 4b in quite some time, so it's possible that it's not true anymore.

    Which part of 16 were you unaware of? I know you knew about the short redheads thing. Just the origin of it was new to you?

    I think 24 is something I've never told anyone. I could be wrong though. There is probably some deep psychological possibilities there, but we'll just leave it be.

    J.R.,
    Well played.

    By the way, I learned how to do 4b from your mom, but in her case it wasn't a fist.

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  4. Some of these things are mighty impressive! I think I can lick my elbow though, but I am double jointed too. And your pervert friend better not touch that one. :)

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