My Partner in CrimePart Two: The Realization

When we last left our hero, he was happier than Kirstie Alley after Luby's opened an all you can eat buffet near her house. His current e-crush Jo had recently agreed not just to meet him, but to stay with him for an entire weekend. It was like Christmas in April, and his mind was naturally racing. We now return to this week's episode already in progress

"Wait wait wait. The redhead? The one you showed me the picture of?" my sister attempted to make sense of my ramblings from the other side of the phone.

It was too early in the morning for a real explanation, but I had to talk about it with someone. The only person in the office at this hour was Liang, and I just wasn't ready for that yet.

"Yes, that one. Jo."

"Oh. No, she's too hot to even be talking to you. You sure this isn't just some elaborate set up to steal your crap?"

"Well. I mean... no. But it seems like a lot of effort for a couple of video game consoles and a bean bag."

"I tell you what. If I don't hear from you by Sunday I'll head on over, untie you from the bed, and take the ball gag out of your mouth."

In my family, we show we care by making fun of each other. Right now Miranda was caring a lot.

She continued her support, "Let's assume for a second that this turns out to be legit, and this girl actually wants to hang out with you. What the hell are you going to do with a cute, smart, funny girl for four days?"

Shit

I hadn't really thought this through. Much like a one handed Luke hanging from cloud city, I quickly realized that a little more planning was in order. Luckily for me, I realized it before it was too late.

I figured if I hadn't scared the girl off yet, it was time to up the ante. I soon had a to do list of considerable size that included the following:
1. Purchase two Sun's tickets.
2. Clean the car.
3. Get a fake, grey beard.
4. Make a dinner reservation for that Saturday at a place in north Scottsdale.
5. Clean the house.
6. Purchase one sombrero.
7. Purchase one child's large size Steve Nash jersey.

Two weeks later the date had arrived. I found myself driving towards the airport to pick Jo up. Internally I was a wreck, but on the outside I did my best to keep it cool.

Chair Building

Back in August of last year I made a silly video about a chair. That story can be found here.

Well, last night my friend Adam suggested I submit it to iReport. They were looking for Tetris related content for the 25th anniversary of Tetris. I followed Adam's advice, and awoke to an email from someone at turner.com.

My video was tagged with an "On CNN" mark, and I later found it here on the cnn video site:

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/ireports/2009/06/04/irpt.tetris.chair.build.cnn

I haven't gotten any other feedback from them, so I don't know if it's airing on TV or not. I find the whole thing fairly amusing, because without any explanation the video makes no sense. Hell, it makes no sense even with explanation.

The results are in!

You'll have to forgive me a bit for dragging my feet on determining a winner to the free lunch contest. The past few weeks have been a bit hectic, and just as I went to finish this off, my laptop died. For me that's a kick in the junk the size of which you wouldn't believe.

Just like last year, we'll take a look at the guesses before we get to the answer:

$41.38 - Exzavier
$65.87 - Anna
$68.43 - Servant
$83.17 - Dave
$87.53 - Ghedoicy
$95.96 - TR
$104.00 - Matt
$110.50 - Liang
$111.38 - Motz
$111.69 - Nikki
$122.12 - Miranda
$136.00 - Jo
$141.67 - Adam
$152.37 - Jesse
$158.00 - Megan
$169.69 - Beadle
$191.43 - Rose
$202.00 - Andrew
$212.00 - Stacy

And the grand total was....
$140.13

Just like I predicted, a cute girl who is in to short nerds won it all. Everyone congratulate Adam on his win. I'll get with you later on how we manage to get you a free lunch from 5600 miles away(That's 9100 Kilometers for you Adam).

Please make this product

I was about 12 when it first hit. And it hit in a big way. I was watching a Sun's game with the family. We were set to play the Portland Trail Blazers that night.

Mom walked in to the TV room in the back of the house and asked, "Who are we playing? Oh... Porkland"

Porkland?

I brushed it off. We all make mistakes, and my family is from Arkansas. The fact that we can speak and know how to read puts us a cut above the rest.

In the first half she would scream, "AJ threw the ball away!" after then point guard Kevin Johnson made a bad pass.

I think they call him KJ mom...

Later in the evening mom would announce, "Chamberland is having a good night, but the Sun's really need to find a way to stop Drixoral."

She was of course referring to then Power Forward/Center Tom Chambers and Portland star Clyde "The Glide" Drexler.

At this point the gloves came off, and the entire family started giving mom some good natured ribbing that has continued to this day. I realize the following is a joke by SNL, but if Sony, or some other electronics manufacturer could make this product, I'm not sure there's a price that I wouldn't pay for it.

Please.

At Least I'm Not the Only One

Greetings from lovely, slightly overcast, San Diego. I'm currently midway through packing things up for the return trip home tomorrow, but thought I'd duck out to sit on the patio overlooking the ocean for a minute with my best friend in the whole world, the laptop. While you're here, don't forget to enter the free lunch contest here.

I was walking through Carlsbad Village today enjoying two of my favorite vacation sports: food and people watching. I was exiting a local restaurant, sandwich in hand, when a girl with bright blue hair walked by.

Wow, that's cool.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who noticed. A guy sitting at an outside table commented, "I like your hair"

"Thanks" she said without really turning, and continued on her way.

She was almost out of earshot when the guy, undaunted tried again, "Where'd you get it done?"

"My husband's a hairdresser. We do each other's hair."

Ouch...

"Um... well... uh... where do you guys cut hair? Do you have a card?"

Wow, not taking no for an answer.

He continued, "Because I'm a hairdresser too"

Sure you are, buddy

"No" she ended the conversation and finally walked off. I felt like going and giving him a pat on the shoulder, but instead found a seat and ate my sandwich.

Nerd Games: The Free LunchYear Two

Me going on vacation is about as frequent as a Halley's Comet visit, but I'm going to be out in Cali for almost a week coming up. With that in mind I figured it was time to toss up the Free Lunch contest for this year. I don't think change accumulated as fast this year as it normally does, but then the contest ran a little long. That means this year it's anyone's game. Good luck, and see you in a week or two!

Just like last year I'm inviting everyone to guess how much money is in my change jar. The closest to the exact dollar amount gets a free lunch from/with me.

Feel free to comment, email, IM, or even tweet your guess to me. A winner will be picked in roughly 10 days.

Rules:
1. The location of the dinner must be mutually decided upon, and the value per meal not to exceed 25 dollars. If the winner lives out of state, then some alternative prize will be awarded.
2. I reserve the right to kick anyone out of the competition for any reason.
3. Results may be modified to ensure the winner is a cute girl who is single and in to short nerds.
4. Non-US currency in the jar will not count towards the total.

This year, for comparison's sake, we'll use a standard sized Coke can and a half built Lego Minstorms NXT Robot, since everyone should know the exact size of that. Feel free to click on the images for a bigger picture.  

I'll give you a hint. Guess more than twenty bucks.

My Partner in CrimePart One: The Invitation

In early 2009, as they are wont do, plans changed. At first Jo's move to Phoenix was delayed for a month, but soon that delay was put on indefinite status. It was Episode One all over again. Huge excitement. Big let down.

I had other things going on though, so I took the disappointment in stride. Jo and I kept up with our online back and forth, and somehow it just worked. It was odd to have someone who got all my jokes and weirdness without much effort, and I enjoyed the long distance pen pal. She quickly became my go to girl for all things Internet.

One night in March I picked her brain about all of the attention my blog had been receiving and how I should go about handling it. We cracked jokes and swapped stories while each preparing our dinners. I mused over the fact that we were eating dinner together from a thousand miles away. Out of my last few meals with a member of the opposite sex, this had by far been the best.

Does that say something about me?

Jo went to bed, but the feeling stuck and I decided it was time to put a face to the ten point Times New Roman font that had been making me laugh for the past four months. The clock read 9:54pm, but I threw caution to the wind and began typing out an email novel.

An hour later it was done. It was done, and long. It included bad jokes, predictions of the future, wussy moments, stupid stories, and most importantly an invitation to stay at my house. I even went so far as to offer to pay for the air fare.

The goal for 2009 is to be a little more forward in all aspects of life.

I mulled it over once more before clicking the send button. It was time to be assertive.

The next morning I awoke and could see the light on my phone flashing in the mirror next to the bed. I had yet to shake off my early morning grogginess, and assumed that someone from work had emailed me. As I clumsily clicked through the menus the previous night's online adventures came rushing back.

The email was from Jo.

Ugh... what did I do? Why did I send that email? At least she responded. That means she's still talking to me. Right?

I hesitated for a moment, but finally clicked to open it.

A simple, "You should come hang out," would have worked.