Saturday, July 11, 2009

When a Celebrity Asks if you Want a Picture, You Say Yes

My #1 Pretend Girlfriend Sarah sent me a text this afternoon asking if I wanted to go to the Improv tonight. My schedule was relatively free, and a quick check of the calendar showed that Iliza Shlesinger was headlining. I don't remember watching much of the last season of Last Comic Standing, but I do remember Iliza from the show.

A quick Google search revealed that she was actually the winner.

Good for her. I remember her being funny.

Tickets were purchased, and a few hours later Sarah and I found ourselves waiting in line to enter. As we approached the door, Iliza walked by.

"There's your girlfriend" Sarah said, slightly snickering.

"Huh? Oh." I turned and saw the comedian coming up the steps.

"She's kind of tiny." Sarah pointed out, "You're so in love with her."

Sarah was probably right. Short, cute, energetic, and funny? If that sounds familiar, you've either been reading my dream journal, or you peeked at last year's letter to Santa.

Iliza Shlesinger

The show was fairly amusing, but in a bit of an odd way. It was more like hanging out with your really funny friend than it was a comedy show. It was somehow a little more accessible I guess.

As the show wrapped up, much like a 70 year old man with diabetes, Sarah rushed to the bathroom for trip #2 while I stood in the entry way. There were a few members of the wait staff there and one or two other people, but it was still relatively empty when Iliza walked by and headed for a little place from which to greet the fans. In a minute or two, the small area would be flooded with people, but for now it was just me, two other dudes, and one super cute comedian.

"You want a picture or something?" she asked, to nobody in particular.

And for once I actually had something to say.

"I don't know... If I take a picture with you, I'm going to have to upload it to my facebook. That's all fine, but that also means my mom is going to see, and that means she's going to be calling me at 8:30 tomorrow morning asking me who you are, how we met, and if you want to have children or not. And I gotta be honest Iliza, I like to sleep in on my Saturdays. But what the hell, let's be dangerous and just go for it, shall we?"

At least that's what I thought would be amusing, in my head.

In reality I decided to go with a different tactic. If you remember, I had the balls to ask an ultra famous 325 lbs. man if he'd mind posing for a picture with me, but the hundred pound white girl was just way too intimidating. I stood for a moment actively not making eye contact before retreating a few steps and hoping Sarah would finish up quickly.

Like all good nerds, my confidence rose when I was back behind the safety of the Internet. She mentioned twitter a few times during her act, and she's doing two more shows, so I sent her a tweet asking if she wants to have lunch tomorrow. I'll keep you posted, but if it works out, you're all invited to the wedding.


  1. She'd be delicious to sew for.

  2. So, do I make 3rd alternate pretend girlfriend or do I lose to a girl with scoliosis?

  3. Ha, I got a message back:

    Saw your twitter, I sleep through lunch most days on tour.

    Thanks for coming

    I have some doubts as to the authenticity, but I'll take it either way.

    If I didn't know you better, that might sound a bit creepy.

    You're not even close yet. Becoming a pretend girlfriend is a lot like getting a pilot's license. There's mandatory coursework, and a certain amount of time that needs to be spent in the cockpit.

    Also, the girl with the scoliosis already passed the written portion of the test, so I'd say you're a little behind.