Christmas Traditions: New Undies

Much like a head cheerleader after prom, I'm about three weeks late here, but never fear. I'm getting back in to the swing of things. I had an interesting, albeit completely unblogable Christmas break, and therefore the blog gets another mediocre story where the leading lady is my mother, and not some cute girl that I've managed to embarrass myself with. (And much like that cheerleader, that last sentence had to wait a long time for a period.)

It all began with a novelty pair of boxers that had glow in the dark Christmas elves that I received as a present. Until that point in time I had worn strictly "tighty whities". It wasn't necessarily by choice, but as a young boy you kind of just wear whatever mom buys. The Christmas boxers were intended to be a joke, but one day either out of curiosity, or lack of clean briefs I tried them on.

To quote Garth Algar:

At first it's constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you.

By the end of the day, like Jessica Simpson presented with a horrible movie role, I was sold. The freedom, the excitement, the ability to live the way god had intended... I was a new manboy.

Apparently my mother also thought it was cool(Every other male in my household wore the TW's as well). Either as a means to encourage my new found undergarment love, or to drop a not so subtle hint to my dad and brother, she thought it wise to buy me boxers the following Christmas, and the Christmas after that, and so on and so forth.

Unfortunately for her, they never picked up on the hint.

A traditional x-mas outfit

It soon became my tradition on Christmas day to wear these boxers on the outside of my clothes for entirety of the day. Sometimes I'd receive more than one pair, and wear them all. They generally complimented my traditional Christmas hat well, and it was an absolutely silly thing to wear all day. (More on the x-mas hat soon.)

The goal is generally to hike them up as high as possible

Eventually my mom must have gotten bored because the undergarment choices for Christmas became more and more outrageous. On one fine Christmas day I found myself wearing a pair of boxers(over my clothes) that felt a bit... "stiff." Stacey, my girlfriend at the time, sat watching me for a while before commanding, "Come over here"

"There's something funny about these" she said as she grabbed the top of them and then gave a stern tug.

Much to my surprise, and that of my mother and surrounding family, the boxers ripped completely off. The "stiff"ness that I had felt was the Velcro pieces holding the break away boxers together.

"You bought him stripper underwear?" Miranda shouted.

We all had a good laugh at my mother, and while I haven't gotten any more "stripper" underwear, the tradition continues to this day.

This year's boxers... now with more class

Interesting note: While checking the Wayne's World quote for accuracy I stumbled upon a wikipedia page that claims that Wayne's World is the first known usage of the classic phrase, "That's what she said.

Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.