Let's first examine the possibility of Indiana Jones actually having a kid.
By now you should have the opening scene of Raiders memorized. If you don't, go watch it and come back. I'll wait.
This scene proves without a doubt that Indy couldn't possibly have a child that he didn't know about; He never goes anywhere without a hat, and he always gets out in time.
4. Marlon Wayans as Snails in Dungeons & Dragons -
If I had ten readers, nine of them would think I was joking around right now, but rest assured I'm being serious. In 2000, there was a Dungeons & Dragons movie made, and playing the part of the sidekick was none other than Marlon Wayans, star of 75% of the shows on the WB for the first 3 years it was a network.
Two words for Petr Brodsky and the rest of the four member casting team:
It took four of you to cast that piece of crap? Really? Really!?!
You could have dressed up a bunch of six year olds and it would have been more amusing. I think The Little Rascals proved that. You know what? Never mind. I give up. Next.
3. Keanu Reeves(In any role other than Ted Theodore Logan) -
Look, I get it. You really liked the Matrix. You know what? I did too, but I'd argue that it'd be just as solid of a movie if the part was played by someone else.
Johnny Mnemonic is the only film I've ever walked out on. What's worse is that I was 18 at the time, when that seven bucks I'd just spent actually meant something to me.
I'm not even going to argue with you on this one. Roll the clip that pushed me over the edge:
2. Shia Labeouf as Sean Connery's grandson in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull -
A lot of people forget that in his portrayal of Mutt, Shia was not only playing Indy's son, but also Sir Connery's grandson. Look, Shia seems like a cool kid. I'll give you that. He hangs out with Optimus Prime on a regular basis, and even made out with Megan Fox. On the cool scale, that's up there. Way up there. But you're asking an Olympic pole vaulter to jump over the Empire State building here.
The only person bad ass enough to play this part was Jesus Christ himself, but I heard the producers couldn't get him to come out of retirement for a second time.
1. Jennifer Connelly as Janine in He's Just Not That In To You -
Jennifer Connelly is a fantastic actress, but for this year's "He's Just Not That in to You", the brilliant team of Baddeley and Davis decide to cast her in the part of Janine. In the movie, and I hope I'm not spoiling this for you, Janine is cheated on by her husband.
I've watched Dinosaurs come to life and a little alien named Yoda get in to a light saber fight with a real person. I've sat through flying cars and skeleton pirate attacks. I even bought it when Matt Damon played a genius, but if you expect me to believe that any man could cheat on Jennifer Connelly, a Jennifer Connelly who spent half the movie in pig tails no less, then you're about 40 IQ points below Forrest Gump.
If the stork delivered you from the factory between the years 1969 and 1982 with the "Daddy Parts" option selected, then an absolute, unfaltering adoration of Jennifer was installed by default. It's impossible for this movie to have taken place.
"But maybe she was all they could get?" Some not-as-astute-as-they-think-they-are readers are currently thinking.
You don't even have to look outside of the cast list to see where they went wrong. The correct answer should stand out to you like Shaquille O'Neal at a white midget convention.
Drew BarrymoreOut of this list, not one of these names stands out as the perfect person to play a girl who gets cheated on by her husband and left for a younger, more sexual woman? Huh.