Monday, May 31, 2010

Nerd Word(s): Medium Hotness Girl

Medium Hotness Girl
- Noun

1. A girl who is a great catch, but not completely out of your league.

[ Origin: After years and years of dating and being surrounded by ridiculously beautiful women, I announced to Sean one day that I was just looking for someone who wasn't out of my league. ]

- usage
1. "You should meet my sister, she's single"
"Your sister?  I've seen her on facebook.  She's not medium hotness, she's a ten.  Pass"

- see also
1 to 10

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Nerd Word(s): Pardon

Pardon
- Interjection

1. Excuse me

[ Origin: A few years ago my coworker Marloue and I got sent to Vancouver for work. The Canadians didn't have much of an access, but there were two points that stood out. First, they said the word "Process", "Pro Sess". Second, instead of "Excuse Me" they always used the word "Pardon". Marloue and I decided to bring the word back from America's Hat as a souvenir. ]

Jesse Gets Jumped

I've been sick for the better part of two months now. First it was the ear infection from hell. That was followed shortly by a sinus infection. There's a solid chance that I'm dying, so if you're from that Make-A-Wish foundation please send a scantily clad, short, nerdy girl over to my house as soon as possible. Bonus points if she's in to short nerds, or gets a discount at zPizza.

One day the ear was so bad that I took the morning off from work and just slept in. I awoke at noon to find the phone all abuzz with work emails detailing various problems, and finally decided to haul my sorry ass in. The thing with being a software engineer is that when you're not around, it's all your fault. Everything. Even in my weakened state, I wasn't going to stand for that, so I cleaned myself up, threw on a fresh set of clothes, and headed in to the office, prepared to kick some nerd ass.

As I rounded the last stairwell in the parking garage I heard a voice.

"Excuse me... um... excuse me?"

I hadn't seen anyone in the garage, so the voice took me by surprise. I searched around and eventually found a head hanging over from the floor above. This head happened to belong to a particularly cute girl and it was staring back at me.

"Um... could you jump me?"

Holy crap, am I still sleeping? Did I accidentally walk on to the set of a porno?

I considered taking my pants off and doing my sexy time dance, but instead opted for something less.

"Pardon?"

Normally I'd have put two and two together, but my brain still wasn't functioning yet. I stared back at her questioningly.

"My car... the battery is dead. I think I left dome light on."

Oh... of course...

Minutes later I'd be helping her with her car and trying to awkwardly make small talk. It wasn't my usual D+ game, but I was sick so I'm giving myself a pass. Later in the month I would find out that the girl actually lives on my floor a few doors down.

While I haven't talked to the girl since, I like to think that we're just taking it slow. At our current pace, I fully expect to tell this story at our wedding in 2054. Save the date cards coming soon!