DO NOT WANT
- statement
1. An expression of severe dislike for something.
[ Origin: Once upon a time Star Wars Episode 3 was translated to Chinese, and then subtitled in English. Instead of using the original English text though they went ahead and translated the Chinese back to English. The produced subtitles were not an exact 1 for 1 of the original movie and when it found it's way to the Internet, much hilarity ensued amongst the nerds while watching the newly titled, "Star War - The Third Gathers - Backstroke of the West". In one of the final scenes Anakin(Now Darth Vader) is told that Padme is dead and he screams, "NOOOO!" which when translated to Chinese and back again became, "Do not want."
The phrase quickly grew in popularity as it spread to YTMND and eventually I can has Cheezburger, and eventually in to the heart of every nerd.
The offending piece can be seen near the end of this youtube clip ]
- antonym
1. DO WANT
- usage
1. "Fry's has NIC cards on sale for 10 dollars. Let's go"
"DO NOT WANT"
2. "Here's a picture of me and my mom at the Grand Canyon"
"Dude, she's got her clothes on in this one - DO NOT WANT"
3. Click Me
4. "I was hanging out with Amy and her sister yesterday and..."
"DO WANT"
Friday, March 28, 2008
Nerd Talk: SPAM - DO NOT WANT
"Man", the little IM notification popped up with Sean's typical greeting that let me know there was something more coming. "Non technical people are dumb."
"Yeah" I agreed without taking a moment to consider what was spurring this attack on thenon-nerds socially adept of the world.
"My sister just sent me some forwarded email about a ZOMG virus that was apparently verified by Snopes, but when I went to Snopes it says it's a hoax. Looking at the email it had been forwarded to the entire staff at her office."
"Yeah, I had to shut a few people down on the forwards a while back" I explained. "It's a hard subject to broach at times depending on the person. I felt really bad telling my mom it was all BS. I mean... she really wanted that 50 dollar Applebee's gift certificate"
"Well, did she at least get that big check from Bill Gates for forwarding you the message?" he asked.
"Shockingly no. I'm assuming it was a postal error though."
"Man, I think some people just get dumb when they're on the computer." he continued the original thought, "Nobody would fall for this crap in real life"
"Yeah, if somebody called and said they were a wealthy Nigerian Prince and needed your help, most people would reply, 'And I'm the queen of Sheba asshole' and hang up. I guess when it comes in email form it must be true though."
"Yeah" I agreed without taking a moment to consider what was spurring this attack on the
"My sister just sent me some forwarded email about a ZOMG virus that was apparently verified by Snopes, but when I went to Snopes it says it's a hoax. Looking at the email it had been forwarded to the entire staff at her office."
"Yeah, I had to shut a few people down on the forwards a while back" I explained. "It's a hard subject to broach at times depending on the person. I felt really bad telling my mom it was all BS. I mean... she really wanted that 50 dollar Applebee's gift certificate"
"Well, did she at least get that big check from Bill Gates for forwarding you the message?" he asked.
"Shockingly no. I'm assuming it was a postal error though."
"Man, I think some people just get dumb when they're on the computer." he continued the original thought, "Nobody would fall for this crap in real life"
"Yeah, if somebody called and said they were a wealthy Nigerian Prince and needed your help, most people would reply, 'And I'm the queen of Sheba asshole' and hang up. I guess when it comes in email form it must be true though."
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
The Real Nerd Word(s): The Internets
Today's nerd word is an actual word that normal nerds use, and not just some crap that I tend to repeat until it no longer has actual meaning.
The Internets
- a prize
1. The prize for winning an argument or making a particularly amusing statement(Generally on the Internet).
[ Origin: The Internet ]
- synonyms
1. The Internetz
- usage
1. "Oh my god, Zero Punctuation just won the Internetz with their review of Assassin's Creed"
2. "Your post on the thread about Liang's mom was awesome. I award you two Internets"
The Internets
- a prize
1. The prize for winning an argument or making a particularly amusing statement(Generally on the Internet).
[ Origin: The Internet ]
- synonyms
1. The Internetz
- usage
1. "Oh my god, Zero Punctuation just won the Internetz with their review of Assassin's Creed"
2. "Your post on the thread about Liang's mom was awesome. I award you two Internets"
Jesse wins the Internets
I know I already discussed all the google hits I've been getting, but today I got one for "Teen Nerds". Apparently google image searching for it puts a picture of me somewhere on the first or second page(As of this writing). For this, I've been awarded one internets.
Honorable mention: J.R. is on the fourth page if you image search for "Ballers"
Honorable mention: J.R. is on the fourth page if you image search for "Ballers"
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Contrary to popular belief, I'm still around
I've just been busy with completely uninteresting things. But just to let you know I thought I'd drop a few random bits on you.
Alright, this post is proof that the well has gone completely dry. My mom did mention, "I've got a cute new girl who works for me. Her name is Hope." Chances are there won't be any good stories there though, so if you need to swing the bat and hook me up with a cute, slightly nerdy girl so I can embarrass myself with her and then write about it, that'd be swell... Not for me you know, for the readers.
- Maybe I need to consider older ladies...
On Saturday there was a big party down stairs. It was "featuring" 3 different DJ's, or so the fliers that were taped to every visible spot of the buildings would have me believe. I'm not much for social gatherings with people that I do know, let alone complete strangers, so I was of course not in attendance.
Besides Sean's annual St. Patty's day part was that night, and 2 parties on one day and they might revoke my nerd card.
As I returned from work(On Saturday no less!) I bumped in to Agnes walking in to the building. My 90 year old building crush greeted me with a smile.
"How come ya not at the partay?" She asked while the techno blasted around us.
Un tis un tis un tis
"Eh, you know... Just not my scene"
"I hear ya. I think I'm too young to go there." she chuckled a little.
Maybe I really do like this girl? - My favorite joke
Despite the fact that it's not that amusing I love being a party and asking people, "What comes before Part-B?" - Fun with Google...
My blog keeps track of a few things, like how people end up here. Here's a few interesting things I've learned...
If you go to Google images and enter "Tina Duh" a picture of Ruthie and I shows up 4th.
"Chilean girl" and "I Crush you" will both lead to the same picture although the latter doesn't show up till page 2.
An inordinate number of people hit my blog after searching for "Shirley Manson Feet" - Random Recognition... sort of.
Someone randomly found the Developer Trap movie and posted it on their own blog. It spread to a few different blogs. I think some people believed it was a movie I made as a way to help recruit developers. Little did they know, it was just me not wanting to actually work at work. - Something more interesting than this
The very sexy and interesting Rose, who happens to also be Sesquipedalis's second biggest fan writes in to say:
Dear Sesquipedalis. You're white, you should check out the following site:
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/
Okay, it happened nothing like that, but she's at home blushing as she reads that, and I'm nothing if not kind to my 3 readers.
Alright, this post is proof that the well has gone completely dry. My mom did mention, "I've got a cute new girl who works for me. Her name is Hope." Chances are there won't be any good stories there though, so if you need to swing the bat and hook me up with a cute, slightly nerdy girl so I can embarrass myself with her and then write about it, that'd be swell... Not for me you know, for the readers.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Top 5: Rock Band Nerds
Last November the greatest video game ever created was released... Rock Band. I didn't have an XBOX or Playstation 3 though, so I wasn't really planning on buying it. Sean and I went to Best Buy just to see if they had it, and wouldn't you know there was only one copy left... One copy left. It was like a sign from the gee oh double dizzle.
700+ dollars later I was the proud owner of Rock Band, an Xbox 360, and an extra guitar for bass(Because 3 piece is for losers).
What I didn't immediately realize is the effect this purchase would have on my social life. I was suddenly more popular than the kid in high school who had failed and therefore turned 16(And had a car) Freshman year.
The Guitar Zero -
The Guitar Zero is the guy who's played way too much Guitar Hero and tries to apply the same philosophies to Rock Band. He's the guy who immediately tries to play ...And Justice For All on expert mode and promptly gets the entire band booed off stage, ruining the fun.
Okay, we get it buddy. You've played countless hours of Guitar Hero in some hope that in the future that will translate to popularity with members of the opposite sex. It's not happening, and if you pick expert one more time and get kicked off before I get to sing the chorus, I'm throwing you off the balcony.
The "I don't know any of these songs" singer -
There's always someone who claims to be a good singer, but unfortunately doesn't know any of the songs in Rock Band. With the downloadable songs, I'm now up to 92 different tracks ranging from the 60's to today. Surely you've heard of one of them?
I hate to break it to you, but nobody is buying it. First of all, the words scroll across the screen like karaoke. This is normally followed by the protest, "But I don't know the medley". Look, unless you were born post 1990, pre-1960, or have lived in a cave your entire life you've heard "In Bloom" by Nirvana. The words? Hell, Kurt Cobain probably never sang the song the same way twice, but you can at least give it a try. Make up your own words, or if you're that lame, puss out and hum the lines.
The "I Can't Play Bass on Easy" nerd -
If you've tried to play the bass on easy on "Say It Ain't So" by Weezer more than three times and still can't "get it", then it's time to pack it up buddy. Sorry. There are untrained chimpanzee's that can match the green note and green button. Hey, at least you tried, which is better than...
The "Too Cool for School" guy -
There's always one person who's afraid of embarrassing themselves, and therefore opts to not play. Two people holding ukulele sized plastic guitars just jumped off the couch doing a leg split. Then the "lead guitarist" did the thing where he sang in to the mic at the same time as the singer a la Bon Jovi/Richie Sambora circa 1990, and you're worried about embarrassing yourself? Have another wine cooler and sack up a little Nancy or get the hell off my stage.
I found this motivational poster for your wall:
The THAT guy -
By far the worst Rock Band stereotype is THAT guy. You know him. His catch phrase is generally something like, "You know if you spent half the time you do playing this stupid game practicing a real guitar you'd...." blah blah blah. He also sometimes adds such insightful comments as, "No thanks, I know how to play the real guitar".
Well holy crap! Let's roll out the red carpet for a middle aged guy who can play a couple of hits from the 70's and 2 Nirvana songs on the real guitar, but never quite made it because the band that he had was "too experimental" and "the industry wasn't quite ready yet".
You're about as common as the English 101 teacher who's "still working on his novel" and has been for the past 20 years. You know what? I can play a real guitar too along with 90% of the other lonely guys who couldn't talk to girls in college. It's a plastic controller with 5 colored buttons, NOT A REAL GUITAR. That's the point jackass. It's about having fun goofing off with friends, not a showcase for your emo-ness.
700+ dollars later I was the proud owner of Rock Band, an Xbox 360, and an extra guitar for bass(Because 3 piece is for losers).
What I didn't immediately realize is the effect this purchase would have on my social life. I was suddenly more popular than the kid in high school who had failed and therefore turned 16(And had a car) Freshman year.
Kendall's Band: The 18th St. Bitchezz
The Guitar Zero -
The Guitar Zero is the guy who's played way too much Guitar Hero and tries to apply the same philosophies to Rock Band. He's the guy who immediately tries to play ...And Justice For All on expert mode and promptly gets the entire band booed off stage, ruining the fun.
Okay, we get it buddy. You've played countless hours of Guitar Hero in some hope that in the future that will translate to popularity with members of the opposite sex. It's not happening, and if you pick expert one more time and get kicked off before I get to sing the chorus, I'm throwing you off the balcony.
The "I don't know any of these songs" singer -
There's always someone who claims to be a good singer, but unfortunately doesn't know any of the songs in Rock Band. With the downloadable songs, I'm now up to 92 different tracks ranging from the 60's to today. Surely you've heard of one of them?
I hate to break it to you, but nobody is buying it. First of all, the words scroll across the screen like karaoke. This is normally followed by the protest, "But I don't know the medley". Look, unless you were born post 1990, pre-1960, or have lived in a cave your entire life you've heard "In Bloom" by Nirvana. The words? Hell, Kurt Cobain probably never sang the song the same way twice, but you can at least give it a try. Make up your own words, or if you're that lame, puss out and hum the lines.
The "I Can't Play Bass on Easy" nerd -
If you've tried to play the bass on easy on "Say It Ain't So" by Weezer more than three times and still can't "get it", then it's time to pack it up buddy. Sorry. There are untrained chimpanzee's that can match the green note and green button. Hey, at least you tried, which is better than...
The "Too Cool for School" guy -
There's always one person who's afraid of embarrassing themselves, and therefore opts to not play. Two people holding ukulele sized plastic guitars just jumped off the couch doing a leg split. Then the "lead guitarist" did the thing where he sang in to the mic at the same time as the singer a la Bon Jovi/Richie Sambora circa 1990, and you're worried about embarrassing yourself? Have another wine cooler and sack up a little Nancy or get the hell off my stage.
I found this motivational poster for your wall:
The THAT guy -
By far the worst Rock Band stereotype is THAT guy. You know him. His catch phrase is generally something like, "You know if you spent half the time you do playing this stupid game practicing a real guitar you'd...." blah blah blah. He also sometimes adds such insightful comments as, "No thanks, I know how to play the real guitar".
Well holy crap! Let's roll out the red carpet for a middle aged guy who can play a couple of hits from the 70's and 2 Nirvana songs on the real guitar, but never quite made it because the band that he had was "too experimental" and "the industry wasn't quite ready yet".
You're about as common as the English 101 teacher who's "still working on his novel" and has been for the past 20 years. You know what? I can play a real guitar too along with 90% of the other lonely guys who couldn't talk to girls in college. It's a plastic controller with 5 colored buttons, NOT A REAL GUITAR. That's the point jackass. It's about having fun goofing off with friends, not a showcase for your emo-ness.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Valentine's Day: Follow Up
People keep asking me how V-day went. Unfortunately there's just not much to tell. I wish I had a good story for everyone, but instead you get the truth.
Despite my lack of a significant other, Valentine's went over fairly well this year. I started the day off with the perfect V-Day mixed CD, which can purchased: here(Why mix a CD when the perfect one has already been made?). I went to work, and tried my best to be "over" the plague that had been haunting me all week.
The Contest -
I had planned to do more for the contest, but I spent most of the weekend sick in bed and therefore took the "easy" way out and decided to just send flowers to a few people. I chose 3 winners for the contest.
Rose won because she had some fairly valid points. Normally I'd follow those points up with some sarcasm and making fun of her, but I relented this year. You can read about how excited she was on her blog here.
Anastacia won because she's a completely random girl that I know nothing about, and my Final Fantasy character is named Anastasia(How's that for odd coincidence?). I also figured anyone who puts up with Ben's crap on a regular basis deserves flowers. She probably deserves a lot more, but that's not what the contest was about.
Finally I chose a random email that I got from someone I didn't know. When I followed up with the girl though she said she didn't want the flowers. I assume she was worried I was a creepy stalker guy. I maintain that I'm only slightly creepy. Oh well, no flowers for her.
The Bear -
Around 5:30 Amy and Flip Cup picked Sean and I up from work and we headed off for Four Peaks in Tempe. They were having a four course meal special type thing for Valentine's day, and Sean had planned on going there for a while. There was a bit of issue since FC is only 20 years old.
As a side note, they said it was fine for her to be there if one of us was her legal guardian or husband. Does being married make it okay for you to go in to a bar/brewery that you wouldn't otherwise be allowed to go in to?
Sean worked his Canadian charm and eventually they said it was cool for her to go which was good because I was working on Plan B at the time(Shopping for a ring).
I gave her Steve(The Bear) as we got in to the car, and she seemed to really like it. I didn't make her carry it inside the restaurant since there was already issue with her age and I didn't want to draw anymore attention to us.
Dinner was good, albeit enough to feed a small army. The only time I'd seen Amy and FC together they were both drunk, which I assumed was what lead to the constant silliness. I was wrong. The silliness is a naturally occurring phenomenon that is some how related to proximity. For that reason it wasn't hard to have a good time.
By the time we got to the game I was exhausted. The dinner, lingering cold, and fact that I'd been laughing my ass off all night all added up to one tired nerd. Luckily the Sun's won 109-97 despite the fact that their new center still has yet to play a game.
I ended up getting home after midnight and falling in to bed.
I'm going to give this Valentine's Day a B+
Despite my lack of a significant other, Valentine's went over fairly well this year. I started the day off with the perfect V-Day mixed CD, which can purchased: here(Why mix a CD when the perfect one has already been made?). I went to work, and tried my best to be "over" the plague that had been haunting me all week.
The Contest -
I had planned to do more for the contest, but I spent most of the weekend sick in bed and therefore took the "easy" way out and decided to just send flowers to a few people. I chose 3 winners for the contest.
Rose won because she had some fairly valid points. Normally I'd follow those points up with some sarcasm and making fun of her, but I relented this year. You can read about how excited she was on her blog here.
Anastacia won because she's a completely random girl that I know nothing about, and my Final Fantasy character is named Anastasia(How's that for odd coincidence?). I also figured anyone who puts up with Ben's crap on a regular basis deserves flowers. She probably deserves a lot more, but that's not what the contest was about.
Finally I chose a random email that I got from someone I didn't know. When I followed up with the girl though she said she didn't want the flowers. I assume she was worried I was a creepy stalker guy. I maintain that I'm only slightly creepy. Oh well, no flowers for her.
The Bear -
Around 5:30 Amy and Flip Cup picked Sean and I up from work and we headed off for Four Peaks in Tempe. They were having a four course meal special type thing for Valentine's day, and Sean had planned on going there for a while. There was a bit of issue since FC is only 20 years old.
As a side note, they said it was fine for her to be there if one of us was her legal guardian or husband. Does being married make it okay for you to go in to a bar/brewery that you wouldn't otherwise be allowed to go in to?
Sean worked his Canadian charm and eventually they said it was cool for her to go which was good because I was working on Plan B at the time(Shopping for a ring).
I gave her Steve(The Bear) as we got in to the car, and she seemed to really like it. I didn't make her carry it inside the restaurant since there was already issue with her age and I didn't want to draw anymore attention to us.
Dinner was good, albeit enough to feed a small army. The only time I'd seen Amy and FC together they were both drunk, which I assumed was what lead to the constant silliness. I was wrong. The silliness is a naturally occurring phenomenon that is some how related to proximity. For that reason it wasn't hard to have a good time.
By the time we got to the game I was exhausted. The dinner, lingering cold, and fact that I'd been laughing my ass off all night all added up to one tired nerd. Luckily the Sun's won 109-97 despite the fact that their new center still has yet to play a game.
I ended up getting home after midnight and falling in to bed.
I'm going to give this Valentine's Day a B+
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