How to Build a Chair (in twelve easy notes)

What people are already saying about Jesse's smash new short film:

"Wow. You're a huge dork. You know that right? Just Wow"
"Did you consider editing yourself out and adding a girl? Maybe a cute one?"
"You seriously need a girlfriend"
"Uh... how long did you spend making that?"

First, the movie. Then the long boring explanation.

I can't complain too much about my job. The hours are flexible, I spend a lot of time screwing around, and I've got a pretty neat office all to myself. The rub though, is that I don't have any office furniture. There is furniture to be had, but it never seems to end up in my office. Aside from my desk and a crappy old chair, I've got nothin. Sean got a free couch for god's sake, and all I've got is a big wide open office.

It works like this. There is a set amount of furniture. If you have a piece, it's yours forever. When you quit, everyone swarms on your office like kids at fat camp to a Snickers and picks the room clean. I'm non-confrontational in nature, and small, which has hurt me in the furniture gathering process.

One day, in protest, I decided to build a chair out of some old mailer boxes that we had lying around. Jim, a coworker and I spent a while arranging and rearranging boxes until we had what vaguely resembled a chair. At lunch I was showing off the chair and announced my idea of shooting a small stop motion film of it coming together when another coworker, Jeremy Cheek added, "You should set that to the theme from Tetris", and that's when the idea started to spiral out of control.

I ran the idea and some of my thoughts by Adam one night. He lives in Germany now, but growing up, he was the Martin Lawrence to my Will Smith. Adam is sort of a master of taking projects from "Silly Idea" to "Silly Completed Project", so it was good to have him on my side, and the collaboration from around the world was interesting.

After kicking back and forth a few ideas we decided on a Pied Piper sort of idea where I'd play the guitar in a split screen to control the blocks. Adam had a great idea about a top to bottom split(See his storyboard here), but I wasn't sure that I could get that done solo.

There are a bunch of mistakes, but I don't think they're too noticeable any more. The low quality of youtube actually hides most of them, and I did some fancy editing to try to remove as much as I could.

Hopefully people recognize the song that I'm playing (quite horribly), and the reference of the intro.

Edit: You can now watch the video in HD also.

Robo-babe of the Day: Felicia Day

My friend Krol used to say, "Redheads are our most precious natural resource." Had I been capable of arguing with him(He's now a lawyer), I would have said, "While redheads are in fact rare, the female nerd is just as rare, if not more so."

In this day and age of Geek Chic, many would side with Krol. Everyone is a nerd these days, or at least that's what they'd have you believe. I could write a novel length dissertation about what it takes to be a real nerd, and why most of the Johnny Come Lately's to the scene are not in fact real nerds, but it's sufficient to say that having made a web page once for a class, or having a WoW account do not make you a real nerd.

The space x represents the Nerdy Redheaded Girl, a rarity normally reserved for four leaf clovers, unicorns, and Honus Wagner Baseball cards.

(The X is not only the center of the diagram, it's also the center of my heart.)

But I digress. No matter who you side with in this imbecilic argument, you can agree that the intersection of this Venn diagram, the Redheaded Nerd Girl, is quite rare indeed. One could easily argue that this intersection would be so rare that it could very well not exist. In this case, "One" would be wrong because "it" does exist, and "it's" name is Felicia Day.

1. Felicia is the creator, producer, and star of the web based series "The Guild", a show about a bunch of nerds who play a video game together. While it's absolutely hilarious if you're familiar with the subject matter, it's probably still amusing if you're not.

2. Felicia starred in the previously mentioned Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, which, if you haven't watched by now, don't bother. You're already dead to me.

3. On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd say she's absolutely adorable.

4. She made her own website, where she also keeps a blog. Read the following snippet and tell me you're not in love(Ignore the fact that she spelled usability wrong. Felicia is a busy girl, far too busy for what you mere mortals call "spell check"):

If PayPal were a man, I would punch him. I would cold-cock him into tomorrow, even if I had to break my hand. I think this is a perfect example of a monopoly gone wrong. The useability of the site is a nightmare: The documentation, laughable. Combine this with a Brother Q500 label printer that is bundled with software that was created on Fortran, and you have the perfect storm for driving a girl over the edge to a day job, abandoning web video forever

5. She started college at 16 and got a mathematics degree from the University of Texas. Nothing says nerdy like math.

6. She's an honest to goodness nerd. And how's this for a coincidence? She even hangs out on the same Internet that I do! I know, right?

So, like Link with 3 hearts and a wooden sword I've begun my quest to win her heart. I regret to inform everyone that this will be the end of the blog. I've sold my laptop to pay for a ring and as you're reading this I'm probably on my way to L.A. to propose. Wish me luck!

Nerd Word(s): 1 to 10

1 to 10
- rating system

1. A way of judging anything

[ Origin: About 12 years ago I started rating random and odd things on a scale from 1 to 10. ]

- alternatives
A to F

- usage
1. "On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd call this dinner about a 7"
2. "How was the movie last night?"
"6 with a bonus point because it had Jennifer Connelly in it"

- addendum
After a certain period of time, the rating practice caught on with many of my friends. At that point it was time to jump ship and change it up. It was time to keep them guessing.

"On a scale from 1 to 10 I'd say Steve Nash is pretty awesome"

What You Should Be Watching Right Now

My main man Adam recently sent me a link to Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. Despite the fact that Adam has been hiding out in Germany, on the lam for a crime of passion, he still has his finger closer to the pulse of American pop culture than I ever will. I'm not really sure how something as big and amazing as this project got on to the Internet, my Internet, without me discovering it first, but it did.

Dr. Horrible is a little web only, 3 episode show by Joss Whedon. If you don't know who Joss Whedon is, then you probably don't belong on this blog. It also stars Neil Patrick Harris(Doogie!/Barney!) and Captain Maclom Reynolds himsef, Nathan Fillion. Not to mention the absolutely adorable...

You know what, never mind. I'll shut up. Cancel your plans for tonight, take a long lunch, or whatever. The next 45 minutes are about to be 132% more awesome for you than they would have been. You can thank me later.

A Homework Assignment

Life has been busy as can be lately, but hopefully times they are a slowing down.

I've got a veritable cornucopia of new blog posts in the chamber, but I need some free time to fix them up before I can pull the trigger. Until that happens though I've got a homework assignment for you, and that is to go here:

http://lowlifebastard.blogspot.com/2008/06/larry-vs-photobombing.html

Larry Jenkens is sort of a friend of a friend, and his post on photobombing will be required reading for an upcoming entry. There may be a pop quiz, so make sure you read thoroughly. Feel free to check out the rest of his blog too as it's quite amusing.

Nerd Games: Rose Wedding Bingo

Rose, one of my best friends in the whole world gets married next Sunday. We had a pact that if neither of us were married by the time she hit 30 we'd just marry each other. Rose turns 29 in January, so I'll let you draw your own conclusions about her upcoming marriage. I'm just saying that fear is a powerful motivator.

With Rose's wedding I've decided to start a new tradition. I've invented a game that I call "Rose Wedding Bingo". The rules are simple.

Rose Wedding Bingo
1. Think of as many humorous things that could happen as possible and write a list.

2. Randomly pick 24 things from the list and lay them out on a 5x5 grid. The middle square is the "Free Square"

3. As the things happen at the wedding, cross them off from your bingo card. The first person to form a line wins.

Sample List(The * indicates ones that I picked for my card):
Jesse hits on a bridesmaid*

Rose calls Zach "Jesse"*

Rose calls Jesse "Zach"*

Jen knocks a flower girl out while the bouquet is being tossed*

Jesse knocks the ring bearer out while trying to catch the garter *

Heidi makes an inappropriate(Albeit hilarious) joke in front of Mr. Halterman*

Rose says Jesse's name during the ceremony

At least two members of Zach's family get drunk and say something inappropriate

Rose throws a fit and leaves for 20 minutes*

Jesse tries to bring her back by telling her her hair looks pretty.*

Rose yells, "FINE" at least twice

Rose yells, "WHATEVER" at least twice

Rose says, "I don't even care anymore"*

Rose tells Jesse to "SHUT UP"*

Zach gets drunk and tells everyone how much he loves them*

Rose gets drunk and tells everyone how much she hates them*

Rose refuses to do the Chicken Dance

Rose cries at the end because she doesn't want everyone to leave.

Rose reminds everyone that it's her day.*

Andy sings a song for the "Love Birds" *

Andy (unintentionally) lands the bridesmaid that Jesse hit on*

Dawn(Rose's mom) says, "RRRROOOOOOOOOOOSSSSEEEE"*

Dawn sings a song for Rose(How do you solve a problem like Rose)*

A member of the bridal party throws up.

Rose gets fed up with her hair before the wedding and does something rash.

Rose wears teal makeup.*

Rose misses the something old, something new or something borrowed, but way over does it on the something blue.*

Sara asks for a new roommate after the first night.*

Jesse wears a tuxedo shirt at some point during the weekend.

Jeff says something so dry it's arid.*

Groomsman shows up drunk or hungover

Someone misplaces the rings

Flower Girl cries

Ring Bearer throws a tantrum.

Jesse quotes wedding crashers

Rose says, "GROSS"

Rose shoves cake in Zach's face as he's saying something nice like, "I could never do something like that to you"

Rose mentions mouth herpes*

Zach accidentally breaks something insignificant and Rose gets very upset.*

Rose considers eloping the night before the wedding.*

Sample Card(Click for full size):


If you'll be attending the wedding feel free to make your own card and/or comment on things to add to my list. I'll update the post if I get any new good ones. If you won't be attending the wedding feel free to make a card up for a wedding that you will be attending in the near future.

A Series of Open Letters

Christopher Nolan - Writer, Directory, Producer of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight

First of all. Wow. Just wow. You nailed it. Very very awesome movie. From the bottom of my nerd heart, thanks.

Did it really have to be 2 and a half hours long? Peter Jackson called, he wants his shtick back. There are those of us with small bladders in the audience who have issues with a 150 minute long movie, and in the case of yours there was never a "Man this would be a good time to get up" moment. Considering the entire 150 minutes was like 6 hours worth of awesome I can forgive you, but why not kick it old school and throw an intermission in there? I'm just saying.

Thanks again, and I hope the day is treating you well.
Jesse

My Future Self,

Sure, that 32 oz slushy at the gas station on the way to the movie seems like it'll be the perfect pick me up to get you through that midnight showing, but you're a little dude. 32 oz is a bit much. We both know you're going to get a drink at the theater too. Let's not over do it next time. Okay?

You're looking good today by the way. Have you been working out?
Jesse

Erin - The cute girl behind the counter at the AMC 20 concession stand,

Was it really necessary to remind me that I could upgrade to a large soda for only 50 cents more? Of course I knew that going in. I can read and do math in my head. But you were aware of that. You took one look at me and knew that the perky way you asked me with a slight tilt of the head and cute grin would be more than my nerd heart could resist. You'd sold that 44 ouncer before I had even ordered.

I think I might love you despite your manipulation.
Jesse

The Manager of the AMC 20 at Westgate,

I applaud you for opening up extra theaters to accommodate all the people wanting to see The Dark Knight on opening day. Here's the deal though... You've got 20 theaters that are normally staggered with show times. When one movie lets out there's a rush to the bathroom, but it's not so bad because there's only one or two movies letting out at a time. When all 20 theaters start playing the same movie at 12:01, then all 20 theaters let out at the same time. When this happens it's a running of the bulls type situation that is only exacerbated when it's a long movie. It's pandemonium. Come on baby, you're better than that.

All I'm saying is you could stagger them just a little. Have your 12:00, but also throw some 12:15's and 12:30's out there. If people didn't buy their tickets ahead of time, then they should be happy with the 12:30.

Jesse

Honda,

Thank you for making my S2000 capable of 0 to 60 in under 6 seconds and even bigger thanks for making it able to corner well at 40 miles an hour. Much appreciated.

Jesse

The Manager of the Mobile on the Run at 91st and Camelback,

Screw you. Who closes a gas station from 1am to 3am? "On the Run" my ass.

Jesse

Dad,

This morning you may have noticed what appears to be a tire skid mark where someone e-brake slid their car into your driveway. You may also notice that someone "watered" one of the trees in your back yard in a non-traditional way. I can't imagine who would do such a thing, but I personally suspect one of Miranda's friends. Those kids have no respect.

Thanks for always being there and especially for living close to the theater.

Jesse